Needlove, who was it who reduced and then stopped the sex? Was it him? Or was it you? (Yeah, I know, in problems of this nature it takes two to work together, and when it just stops BOTH people share in the "blame"...but still, who was the first to have lower desire? Who did most of the refusing and left the other to do most of the begging? You know what I mean).
If that person was your husband...well that is probably going to require more digging, counseling, etc.
But if that person was you...if you were responsible for the beginning of the sex dropping off, I can tell you from experience what's likely to be going on.
He loved having sex with you once. He probably would have liked to have had it a lot more often. But to keep the peace and not make you do anything you felt uncomfortable with, he accepted your "maximum" and compromised.
And then the sex dropped off even more. For whatever reasons. Maybe you decided the kids were "more important." Maybe you decided work, or your friends, or the housework, was 'more important." Husbands don't take kindly to having sex, one of the most important aspects of their life, put in second place behind things like running the vacuum cleaner or even the kids.
If he's a normal man, he probably put a lot of effort into trying to get things going again. Although it might not have been in a way that appealed to you. He might feel like he's been begging, like he's been jumping through hoops. Maybe you had times when you got started again, but shortly thereafter, you let things fall off again.
Guess what? Every time you reject him, every time the hope and promise get built up in him only to fall apart and leave him disappointed again, he gets a little less willing to keep trying. And eventually he gets to a point where he gives up, because the reward just isn't worth the effort anymore.
But you can rest assured of one thing. If his sex drive was there to begin with, it's still there now (unless you know for a fact he doesn't even masturbate anymore...and I suspect there's little to no chance of that). But he's not willing to let himself be hurt anymore. Your only way around this is to convince him that you really have changed, and that if he allows sex to resume, you're going to do your part to never pull the rug out from under him again...you're going to be the sex partner he thought he was getting on his wedding day, for the rest of his life. Just how you convince him of that is up to you, but that's what you've got to do. He's tired of being hurt, and he's not going to let it happen anymore. But if you can truly show him that you've changed your ways, his drive can and will return faster than you think.
This doesn't mean just running up to him an initiating sex. You won't get away with that at this point, because he won't believe you. You're going to have to convince him, really convince him, that this time it's for real. It's just like getting him to trust you again, after you've broken promises and/or lied to him many many times. Because, each time you let sex drop, that's exactly what you did, and it broke his heart, and he felt like Charlie Brown after Lucy pulled away the football. If that's the case, you've got a lot of making up to do.
