I don't know that I'll really want to be friends with him, but I really don't take things personally right now and especially don't want him to think I do. I don't think he deserves that from me. I choose not to give him that power over me. So, I said "what was I thinking on that one?" in good fun. I can laugh about it, and admit that I might not always feel like I want to be friends with him or give him that sense of relief. He probably doesn't deserve that either, but I feel better if I'm not pressuring him. Hope that makes sense.
It does make sense, just making sure there wasnt a little resentment coming out in that statement, you know the whole why the hell would I want to be your friend stuff.
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I didn't really ask, I "said" is it. I shouldn't have put the question mark there.
J, wether you put a question mark there or not, this is a question. One that can have many connotations. It was probably interpreted differently by you and your H. He probably looked at it as you questioning his sincerity while you looked at it as a deflection for yourself to not play games. No big deal, and I understand what you are saying, but it is a question one way or the other.
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I still think about what I'm saying when I talk to him, but I'm not so worried about saying the wrong thing. I know that I may not have said the most perfect thing for the sitch, but I don't have these strong regrets like I used to. I was still a bit nervous and know I could've handled that more ideally, but I'm fine with how it went. I accept myself.
This sounds great J, I want you to know that I don't question you to be a pain in your as$, I question you because for me I need to be challenged and see that my thougts are with the correct intent. I believe that we all have to "police" each other and our posts and make sure we are not lying to ourselves in how we are handling, coping, dealing with all that we are doing.
J, you sound absolutely wonderful and are doing so great. I am so proud of you for the steps that you are taking to make yourself more independant and prepared for your future if he is not in it. The amount that you have grown since I have known you is phenomonal and inspiring to those that are new to these boards. I hope that you continue to share it with those that are coming after us and need the inspiration that even through this aweful situation becomming yourself and an independant man or woman is what good does come out of it one way or the other.
Take care of yoruself J, glad you are feeling so great......
