CVA - Thread 2, Hold mode

[Not Much Left]

Sandi
Again, I hear you. Thank you so much for your time. I dont think I have had anyone, in years, be this interested in helping me and I have never even met you. I have felt so alone, I have no family so my family is all I have.

Just as a quick background, I lost my mom when I was 8, dad at 15 and have 2 bros and 1 sis much older. Lived with them for last 2 yrs till I graduated high school but really just a roof. Have pretty much been on my own since I was 13-14 and have been pretty successful up till about now. I say all this to tell you that I know I am holding on too tight because this is all I have.

I was trying to buid a new generation of my family and it is falling apart. I am so afraid of losing it all I will if I dont follow your advice and I know it. It may not work out anyway no matter what I do for me. Right now, as of this wrtiting, my biggest concern about myself is saying to myself "what does it matter if I change?" I am 44 and could die tomorrow. My kids need me but my W doesnt.

Yes I am paying for everything. We have plent of dough so that is not an issue for her if she decides to just leave. She is super attractive so pretty sure she knows her needs will always be met by someone else. This is all about her right now. She used the kids as her excuse to "protect them" from me. BS. If you actually saw me with them, you would never for an instant think anything other than I am a great dad but again, I am painted with whatever brush she has in her head about her loser dad who was a controlling alcoholic and still is. He doesnt drink anymore but still an ass.

I am going to pull away and see if she comes my direction. I may just move all my stuff out of the house and buy a new one. The only way I can resist coming over is if I make a break from the creature comforts of our house and be able to have our kids with me comfortably. Right now, that is not possible.

Thanks again for your time with me.
CVA