Well here I am! First, I would like to address last Thursday night. I lost it, I let anger, one of issues she upset with take hold. It drove the bus and it wasn’t pretty. I let the mind go, and posted some pretty messed up stuff. For that I would like to apologize to the board and thank those of you that helped bring the landing gear out and bring this trip down. I’m sorry!
Well luckily I didn’t act on anything with the W. But I guess a little update is appropriate on the issue. After the funny VOIP call, used to work with a telco so I was pretty sure, but it was hard to tell. Well the weird call that night from the prefix of the OM to my cell. Later reviewing my home office phone I had a call 2 minutes after the cell call from Motel 8, it is in the OM prefix area. So who knows if a there was a girls night out or a romp at Motel 8. What kills me with this is not the possibility; it is that it is a Motel 8. I can’t tell you how many times I’ve taken her to the best place in town. Funny really. Well the next morning there was no morning after. Who know’s what went down. I sure don’t so don’t let the mind run wild.
Well, I got off the boards to gain control of myself and think for a while. I will try and catch up with others tomorrow.
Friday, wife called and needed the insurance card for her prescription. Gladly got it to her. I decided to follow the advice of the IC session I had, guy has no idea how far apart W and are I. Tried to explain but I think I’m be looking for another if the next session doesn’t approve. Well I took his advice to do something for myself. I decided to buy a new flat screen TV and stereo home theatre. Called wife from work and asked if I could stop by after work and pick up some CD’s and DVD’s. What is she doing with my Ministry any way! Al rules!
Went by her place and packed up quickly. I went to make my exit and she asked me to stay. I just listened didn’t say much. She asked why I was getting these things, when she took all the electronics, I told her what I was up to. She seemed kind of put off by it. Haha! Eat it!
Well I listed to her for about 45 minutes, she told me that she was lonely and confused. I just listened. After a while she asked what I thought, and I just reiterated the things she said and added it’s probably not easy right now. She complained about cash and not making her bills, hmm, wonder were wonder boy is in all this. Obviously he isn’t meeting all the needs, now is he?
Made a quick get away. She dropped S off early today, asked to talk for a minute and again told me she was lonely. This time I was more receptive, and told her that if she needed to talk or wanted support I was here, no string attached. She thanked me for that.
S and I had a great day. Went and did a lot of stuff. I told W that morning that I would help her out with money. She said she would stop by after work and get it. It was W’s first day of her new schedule and she didn’t make it back out. She did call later in the day to say she was meeting her step sisters for the night. She talked to S for a minute, and then I got back on, and again with the lonely! Hmm, not to sure what to do with this at this point. Any R talk and she about crawls down a hole and dies, so I don’t want to really address it. Not sure what to do with that? Well I ended the call and I heard her saying my name but I was already hanging up. Didn’t want to seem desperate.
Well her comes the weird part, if you have dared read this far. S and I are playing and I’m sort of hiding looking out the window because the neighbor is trying to back up a single axle trailer and he has obviously never done this before. Felt guilty for watching, should have gone over and offered but it was too funny. This 740 series BMW drives by, the lady never sees me, but she taking pictures of my car. Huh? W mentioned that she went to the courthouse to file for separation and the clerk told her there was no such thing. Lost there to? The lady never stopped, she just slowed way down and was taking a pic or two of my car. Only thing I can think is she might have been taking a picture of my neighbor’s yard from the angle, but I watched pretty well and got a license plate.
I guess that leads to 4 possibilities. 1) I’m being investigated for a huge child custody battle. Don’t think so, she couldn’t afford that. But she could be getting outside help financially, but not likely if she is so broke on the other bills. 2) Maybe she has gotten an attorney and they are investigating for property settlement. But why do you need a pic, that car has had it and will need to be replaced by next spring. Plus any info they wanted could be requested through legal channels. 3) Lady was taking a pic of the neighbors yard. He has planted like 20 trees in the front yard and it looks horrible, and odd. But I talked to neighbor backing up the trailer and he saw her taking pic’s too. Thank God! I’m not totally nuts. He said the same thing, couldn’t tell if it was my car she was taking pic’s of or the neighbors yard. Said he would keep an eye out. He is semi-retired and home a lot.
Only other thing could be that my assets are being checked out due to some past work I have done and maybe a lawsuit is heading my way. But that is so far fetched, I’d have to be nuts to entertain that idea. No matter what, after analyzing the sitch, I can’t believe W would be that vindictive and then also telling me she is lonely and almost in tears in front of me. So it just doesn’t add up. Well I guess I keep my eyes open.
So here I stand, I’ve really calmed down and decided that I can’t control ANYTHING, but me and the time S has with me. So I’m going to just keep up what I’m doing. I’m getting good results, W seems to be questioning. I have reread the portions of DR that really apply to my sitch and I’m just going to back off, let her do her thing. She is already questioning and if that continues it can only keep getting more questions in W’s head.
I would like to address last Thursday night. I lost it, I let anger, one of issues she upset with take hold. It drove the bus and it wasn’t pretty. I let the mind go, and posted some pretty messed up stuff. For that I would like to apologize to the board and thank those of you that helped bring the landing gear out and bring this trip down. I’m sorry!
No need to be sorry, brotha -- we all need to vent and this is a great place to do it. I apologize too -- I might've been more harsh and less empathetic than I should've been.
Okay, that being said, I'm going to rehash some of what I said in my last big post on your former thread. It sounds like you continued to play detective with the phone calls. I understand it is difficult not to, but now that you did and a Motel 8 number popped up, does the knowledge do you any good? Can you use it in any positive way to get you closer to your goals? I'm guessing we both know the answer to this. Has it given you more stress than you would've had otherwise? I'm guessing this answer is known to both of us too. Please, Atlas, do yourself a favor and detach from the detective work. When my W moved out and go her own apt, do you know how much I went over there to check on her to see what she was up to? Never. What's more, I never even asked her or her friends to tell me where it was (I knew the complex, but never which building or number). Even after it came out due to legal things, I never went and checked it out. I've never once been there, and that has helped me a great deal (mostly because of how proud I am of myself and my conscious choice to not control her in any way). Also, since she's been seeing OM and staying at his house, I've never once inquired about where he lives, and have never attempted to go there either. Doing so would simply eat me alive, and I know this. Atlas, you know this about your own sitch too, so please -- for your own sanity and general health -- refrain from doing it. You are strong and you've done so well in all other areas. Don't let this be your cryptonite, my friend.
On another note, who knows what the heck the woman taking pics is doing, and if you aren't doing anything to get yourself in trouble, then just don't worry about it (develop that duck's back, remember?). It is strange, but let neighbor guy focus on it now (sounds like his life can use the drama rather than yours!). Think about this -- you took her license plate # down. You're creating more drama than you should been dealing with right now. You're getting like me too in the fact that you're taking a little bit of info and over-analyzing it. Too much wasted energy my friend, because in the end you still don't know.
Quote:
I’ve really calmed down and decided that I can’t control ANYTHING, but me and the time S has with me.
Now that is real and 100% true!
Much love, Atlas -- I think I was probably a little too harsh again, but you're a much better DBer than your last post demonstrates. I know this because I've seen it. You're having weak moments and are letting them dictate your actions. Stay focused on the DBing and you'll know what to do.
Thanks for the post. I'm really not seeking info on the calls, I just check my caller ID for work and everything just lined up. But your right, I'm doing what I can to stay busy and not think of things.
I'm not worried about the pic's. There is nothing going on and I'm being a good boy, so who know's what that is about, nor do I care.
Well the W will be by today to pick up S. So I'll see if she brings up the lonely thing again. If so, I will listen, and follow through with IMAGO, but I'm keeping it at that.
Enjoy your Sunday! I'm getting out this afternoon for a good ride and some fresh air.
I've had the kids since Wed and was planning to see a movie with friends after W picked the kids up tonight, but she just called and asked me to watch them again tonight because she has to be to work at 5:00 in the morning. Of course I obliged, but had to cancel my evening plans (didn't mention this to W though -- just doing what I can to be her rock when she needs any sort of help).
Thanks for the post. Sucks about cancelling the movie, but your with the kids and that is good. Good to keep being her rock.
Well W showed up to pick up son. Asked to talk again!! So I listened, and she is saying she is numb about me and has no feeling left. Said she still didn't want to file yet, but keeps asking if I will be her friend if we D. Keep telling her I will, doesn't matter what happens.
Then she says she wants to do some laundry over here, and says maybe we can take a nap together or watch TV. While I think that is a good sign, TV and napping aren't much of an interaction for her to see me in action. But something is better than nothing, and it does show her comfort level.
So she ran to her place to get laundry and will be back up. I'm going to cook up a dinner, they have hardly anything to cook with, so I'm sure that she will appreciate that. Who knows, sometimes this happens and then ten minutes later she runs.
Atlas...it is interaction. She is willing lay down with you? There is comfort and trust there. These are definate good steps. The willingness to spend time with you is big......
GD and NDDT, thank you for posting. I have gotten caught up on anyone lately, my mind is a wreck and I've been doing a lot of thinking. Honestly don't know if I want this.
The today basics: Came back did laundry. W pulled the I'm filling this week bit. W started taking cheap shots, telling the dog goodbye, I'll miss this...that... W needs a new phone, bought her one and we all had dinner. Back at house she pulls the "I'm filing this week."
Caller her bluff out of anger. Said I wasn't sure I wanted to be married to her anymore, and that if she is going to file then do and get it over with. W started crying, "You don't want me anymore?" Told her I couldn't answer that right now.
W asks for 10 month seperation, no filing. Rest of night is great.
End of night she says I should date because she is. All I said is that I'm married and I plan on keeping my commitment, she could do as she wanted. W said, "What about consequences?" "All choices have them."
I need to back away for a while or I'm going to file. That is my big decision, I refuse to file, this is her D. But if I keep hearing this crap, I'm going to file and unleash the dogs. I'm really angry now, not so much sad, but just angry. One of my issues.
Well I'm not going to act on anything and I'm really gaining control over it, I have to with her. But I am thinking of GAL hard, no time to talk got to run, quick drops and pick ups. Not to worried about a response, since I already tried to pull the trigger today and nothing fired. So I figure I'm going to peak her interest and see what happens.
By the way, what is the deal with going to the bar that she NEVER liked, is the one all my friends go to, and one bartends at. All I can think of is she is trying to get me pissed. Can't react to it. But why? I think she is so upset she is trying to intentionally hurt me. She really has hit bottom with me, so keep trying.
Quick note. Only two things besides my S, that I can think of for holding on to this right now are; 1) I've put in too much time and invested to much into this, 2) I don't want to go through the legal process.
Really don't see any reason that relates to me and W as a couple. I hope this is a temporary feeling, cause I'm pretty close to done.
Don't worry I figure this decision will take a lot more time then 48 to resolve.
She is definitely testing your resolve, IMO. I LOVE the idea of you finally more or less throwing your hands up and saying (not literally -- just to yourself), "Fine, have your hayday. I'm not gonna sit around and wait for you to figure it out and tug me this way and that until you do. I'm gonna GAL, and it certainly won't have anything to do with you," etc, etc. Obviously, you should stay upbeat, friendly, etc, but detach like a motha and go dark. No contact other than completely necessary (i.e. son), much less financial help, if any (this is a problem I have), quick pick ups and drops (liked that idea), etc. Show her that you will be just fine and happy without her, and since that seems to be the choice she is making, you're just showing her you're getting a head start. Let her think on THAT.
Sorry, I'm venting for you right along with you! She's definitely lost and needs to dig deep to find herself. Just enjoy your picnic while she wanders aimlessly in the castle!
GD
Disclaimer:
I might be completely wrong about everything forementioned in this post, and therefore I will not be held liable for any casualties resulting from said advice. I am not a professional DBer, but I did stay at a Holiday Inn last night.
