In need of help II

[sadhearted]

Well it's nice to have the support of your family. Much better then hearing ah just dump them they aren't worth it.

I think I'm going to have to tie down my S3. I put him in bed at 8. He's still in there awake and opening his door and banging toys together.... Maybe he'll sleep in but I doubt it. Seems no matter when he goes to sleep he's always up by 8.

[sadhearted]

Not much to report today. Last time I heard from him was lunch yesterday. For 2 weeks he's contacted me daily. Now he's not. Course he tends to do this so I'll just let it pass. I'm attempting to be more positive about things. Trying not to dwell on the negative and let it consume me.

The last few days I get the impression what is holding him back is fear. He's afraid to come home and have me not be there for him like in the past. So I'll give it time. Time is on my side. There has been no mention of D so I'll keep working on me and hope that one day he's not afraid to come back.

I did go out today and buy some jigsaw puzzles to work. I used to LOVE doing them. Haven't done one in years and years. So I figured now is as good of time as any to take it up again. And I'm reading DR again. See what pops out at me this time around.

[jmegator]

Jigsaw puzzles...that's smart. I've watching so much t.v. to try and not "think about it" that I'm getting eye strain headaches.

[sadhearted]

Yeah I did that at first. I don't have cable and everything is in reruns so I started watching all the movies I had. Well I've watched them. I'd have out on the computer too. Then it just kinda hit me why not buy some puzzles.

[sadhearted]

Does any one have or know of someone who's spouse just seems to be afraid to come back home? I really think that's a big part of where my H is right now. When my S7 asked him about coming home my H told him he was afraid to. Then a few days ago we were talking and he made a comment about he didn't know how to get to that point where he can believe I'm really paying attention this time. I understand his fear. He doesn't want to come back and have me not be there for him like before. I know words aren't going to do it but I have told him that I get it and I realize where I went wrong. He says sometimes he believes me. I may be wrong in thinking this but that's just the impression I've gotten over the last couple weeks.

If anyone has any suggestions or advice I'd appreciate it. I guess really all I can do is just give him more time.

[789]

Actually I think that is a big part of the problem with my wife. She has not said it, but I do get the feeling she is afraid to have us back together because of my past drinking. It is one of those variables that scares her, how can she trust that I have truly stopped for good. She knows it has been over 4 months, but what is that over 20+ years, that I cannot answer for her or myself. Only time will tell but I am sticking with my if no talk or papers served, I am going to be happy.

[789]

I did go out today and buy some jigsaw puzzles to work. I used to LOVE doing them. Haven't done one in years and years. So I figured now is as good of time as any to take it up again.

Did you at least get one with pictures on both sides to make it interesting, if not mind numbing.

[sadhearted]

Yeah so far I've managed to keep myself at least on an even keel. Not as upbeat but I haven't let myself get down either. Go me! I haven't heard from him since lunch on Saturday. So I guess he's decided again he shouldn't be talking to me. We'll see how long it lasts this time.

no I sure didn't. That probably would have driven me nuts. Just the one sided kind.