Reconciling with ex-husband

[shiloh_rt]

Hello,
I am new here and this will likely be somewhat long, but i will try to be succint.

I was married to my husband for 6 years and we lived together for 2 years prior to marriage. We were divorced in April. My husband was my best friend, we did everything together. I would say things went down hill when his job became very stressful. He was angry a lot, I tried to be supportive; I listened and didn't complain. But I did lose my attraction towards him. I never told him this as i didn't want to burden him further or have him upset with me. This happened about 4-5 years ago. We went on ok...we still had fun and a good time but I was not physically interested in him. We talked about counseling a few times, but never followed through.

So to roll forward...a year ago he got a new job. Things were gradually getting better. We bought a new fixer-upper house last year. This is where the problems started.

I am a telecommuter, so i dealt with most of the contractors. I am a pushover in this area, so i felt overwhelmed frequently. My husband also got upset at all the things that broke in the house, so i was a little defensive. About a month after we moved in my husband and i discussed having his friend move in with us. She was having a hard time with her boyfriend and had no money. I wanted to help her get her life back and get on her feet, so i agreed.

That is where some of the problems started. I felt like a 3rd wheel as my husband confided in her about many things including our inadequate sex life. He also called her pretty and many other things to be nice to her. He would tell me he thought she was dumpy in private, so i questioned him giving me compliments. I was afraid to talk to him about my feelings because i didn't want her(the roomate) to know.

So I did the wrong thing. I worked countless hours and reached out to co-workers. One of them in particular I flirted heavily with. As an FYI this person lived 2K miles away, so part of me felt it was safe; I just wanted a confidante. This was wrong. My husband started reading log files from our talks and saw what was ocurring. He asked me to look for a counselor, but i was angry and didn't check. He found one and scheduled a meeting, but by this time he had already filed for divorce. We went to the counselor the week i recieved the papers.

We went to the counselor, but it was not fruitful. He was angry and believed his version of the truth and i was hurt and felt guilty. My husband believed i had a physical affair, but at this time that was not the case. He said we would work on things after the divorce. I wanted to kick our tenant out, but it was x-mas so he didn't want to do this to her.

I continued to talk to my friend at work...it got more serious. I didn't stop because i was served the papers for divorce and didn't think there was any way around it. I agreed to all my husbands terms for divorce.

I made plans to have my boyfriend move here to share my living expenses....this upset my ex husband.

Now he wants to try to work things out. I miss him terribly and i want things to be happy. We were supposed to be friends and do things together, and see what happens. But he wants me to make a decision to choose who i want right now. Meanwhile, I live with my boyfriend who i don't want to see hurt. I love my ex-husband very much....

There is much more to this story...but this is a short version. Does anyone have any advice?