Had a great conversation with a guy yesterday who has dealt with a lot of divorce in his profession, and he shared a little tid bit that we probably all know but for some reason it hit home.
This is not my event to control. I'M READY to get back to my family, my W is not. I feel GOOD about things, she does not. I can see our family together again, she cannot (this is the hardest thing for me to understand, but there it is). This is HER rodeo! She is in control. It is very difficult, it doesn't seem right, but that's not for me to decide, it's for her to decide. Unfortunately we can't do this as partners right now, but if she decides we can, I'm ready.
In the meantime, continual personal preparation is key, I just need to make some new friends.
All the "friends" I thought I had up in our neighborhood??? Not a one of them has called me to hang out like we used to or anything. No golf, no lunch - bubkis. Kind of surprising, I thought they were good friends too.
SO, off to the laundromat to see if there are any people who like to mtn bike.
We can talk ourselves into defeat or we can talk ourselves into victory - we are creatures of our thinking.
3/31/07 - Hit with a brick, leaving the dent there...
SO, off to the laundromat to see if there are any people who like to mtn bike.
LOL, is that like grocery shopping to see if anyone likes to drag race?
Remember that it is their rodeo and we fire up our own so they can join us if and when they want. They gotta have a ticket though.
cire
well, I don't do bars, and I figure single people who mtn bike might have apartments with no washer/dryer. Who knows??? I was kidding anyway. I Mtn Bike with my brothers, it's freakin awesome here.
Gonna go watch some TV right now and probably fall asleep, went to the waterpark again with S4 and I'm beat. That kid is hilarious, makes friends with EVERYONE! Moms, dads, kids, lifeguards, they all know him by the time we're done. Super funny.
We can talk ourselves into defeat or we can talk ourselves into victory - we are creatures of our thinking.
3/31/07 - Hit with a brick, leaving the dent there...
JR - haven't read up on your sitch before, but since you're looking for friends with similar interests I wanted to recommend checking out meetup.com. It's basically an online way to find people in your area with similar interests. I've been to a number of meetup events and have met some great people that way. It's a little awkward at first but it really is just a bunch of normal people trying to find others to hang out with.
Me 35, H 38; Together 13.5 yrs, M 7 Bomb 1 10/07/06 Sep'd 1/14/07 - 4/15 Piecing: 4/07 - 9/07 Bomb 3 10/11/07: Never loved you, let's separate 2/08 slowly improving 7/08 Piecing (7/25/08 rings back on!!) Current thread
I'll second the meetup.com recommendation. You may also find a separation/divorce group in your area too. I'm a member of one here and have made friends in that group which has helped me a lot.
As for the no one calls thing, man do I know that!! My biggest problem is all my friends are married and so they never really do stuff as a group. Being separated, in my 40s, with the kids only part time and with only married friends has been more than friggin' hard!
If we really want to love, we must learn how to forgive. - Mother Theresa
JR, gotta love your attitude. The way you project yourself is a testament to your self and your quest in getting your family whole again. Keep it up, gives me something to look forward to everyday.
M 41 W 33 S8 S17 Bomb 3/11/07 S 3/28/07 New beginning? 8/31/07
What else can I do man? I have maybe three choices:
1) Scream and yell and make a jerk of myself, and destroy whatever little chance of saving my family exists.
2) Give up and never be able to live with myself or look my son in the eyes.
3) Be here, be in the moment, make myself who I'm supposed to be (with A LOT of help from above), and continue to show my wife how valuable she is to me and how important S4 is, and how important it is for all of us to be together FOR ALL OF OUR SAKE! It's not about me, it's not about her, it's not about S4, it's about ALL OF US.
Yeah, I'll take option 3.
We can talk ourselves into defeat or we can talk ourselves into victory - we are creatures of our thinking.
3/31/07 - Hit with a brick, leaving the dent there...
3) Be here, be in the moment, make myself who I'm supposed to be (with A LOT of help from above), and continue to show my wife how valuable she is to me and how important S4 is, and how important it is for all of us to be together FOR ALL OF OUR SAKE! It's not about me, it's not about her, it's not about S4, it's about ALL OF US.
Yeah, I'll take option 3.
So, the moment has finally changed. I got lawyer papers today, looking to get to "final resolution."
I guess she wins.
We can talk ourselves into defeat or we can talk ourselves into victory - we are creatures of our thinking.
3/31/07 - Hit with a brick, leaving the dent there...
H-36 W-38 Married 14yrs Together 17 2 Children (D12, S15) 9/20/05 - Seperated 4/23/07 - Dbomb dropped 4/25/07 - I Love you, not in love "If it's not hard, it's not worth fighting for."
So, the moment has finally changed. I got lawyer papers today, looking to get to "final resolution."
I guess she wins.
Like I said in my email, no she doesn't win, no one wins and all is not lost. She still needs to feel the pain and she's avoiding it big time. Feeling that pain may be what she really needs to see what's good and how good you are. So focus on you and S4, be the best d@mn dad you can be.
If we really want to love, we must learn how to forgive. - Mother Theresa
