How are you Chicki! We're pulling for you. If your H is going to have tantrums, and threatening ones at that, then you're going to have to gather every once of calm you have and live inside it as though it were a bubble. It's time to leave all the fights--all the words--behind, because fights and words aren't working for you. Anger isn't working. Bitterness isn't working. You're going to have to pretend that you don't feel these emotions, even though it's totally natural to feel anger and bitterness and despair. Doing what comes totally naturally just isn't working. I think that you're going to have to present yourself to your H in a totally different light, and stick with this new, calmer, quieter person, day after day.
And it won't be easy. But, bless you, girl, I know you can do it!
Hey guys I thank you all for checking in on me. I guess I was doing a little bit of detaching all around including this site.
I did end up taking D10 to Orlando w/ me. My grandfather ended up at the ER that Friday so I stayed until the next day & then my mother wanted me to wait until they discharged him to go w/ us. He had a minor cerebral hemorrahage,but is ok now thank God.
As I was looking back on my last horrible email that I printed out due to H's threats I noticed that from the start I had backed off and succumed to his wishes to stay w/ all three girls. This even though it really was not his weekend. i am tired of succuming to him all the time. H thinks he can threaten me and I will back down everytime. This is why on that day I have signed off the IM to avoid anymore conflict.
On Sunday when h called (late at that) when he was suppose tot return the girls he said they did not want to coem home??? Odd! Asked if they can stay one more night and he will bring them in the morning. At first I said ok,but then I I said no. H- but they dont want to. I said it not up to them. You know when the r do back and thats final. Before he left I told in a calm manner that from now on if he had plans or an event to of to(like the Daytona race) on his scheduled weekend to either cancel his plans & prioritze his only time /w the girls or get a sitter. This was my weekend & my family who was in from out of the country wanted to see the girls. H- really then we will see about that in court. I said ok. He was his usaul mean self and before he left I said if you wanted to be w/ the girls full time you should of thought of that before you ruined their life.
Look, I know this is NOT db'n, but I am not Db'ng anymore. I am moving on. Too exhausted to be living the rest of my life in this drama. I love living by myself w/ out having to worry about walking on egg shells anymore. H needs to know I am no longer the submissive ,walk all over me wife anymore.
In the morning I noticed he had puit the house for sale sign (again)up in the yard. I took it off. Either way he can not sell w/ out my signature. I had told him this. H wants to sell BEFORE the D is even filed! I told him why he doesn't ask his woman (who pays for evrything trips around the wordl) to gelp him w/ the past due morgagte.H said she offered but he will not take it. I guess he will really owe her matrimony if he accepts!! he he....Says thats its why he needs to sell before it forelcoses.
I have not opened my IM at all this week. I am not up to anymore of his crap. Going dark and detaching all the way.
He is coming to see the girls today & I pray nothing becomes of it. I will put on the armour of GOD and talk only when he speaks to me.
I got to do some one-on-one time w/ D10 and my family & I went to a huge park w/ a river!! D10 a lots of fun w/ her other cousins.
I hope in the future when all the dust settles and afer the D maybe H & I will be at a better place & maybe we can turns so that the girls can more one-on-one time w/ each of us.
My D10 is the oldest and I know gets tired of being mommy's helper all the time. So even though funds r low we went to the mall and I let her try on a bunch of clothes & said if $ permits before school starts we can come back and purchase her some. We even hid the a few pants she really wanted but were the only ones in her size. All in all it was good quality time & I enjoyed it very much.
They really flourish with some one to one time and they are all so different. In all that's happened my children have each in their own ways been my rock(s).
And remember, whatever happens, if you hadn't met your H those children wouldn't exist - you may have had other children but not THOSE ones.
I just want to be a fly on your family's wall Chicki when your girls get bigger - I think your H might get the run around!! The ones that say their daughters can't date until their 25 are the ones that end up with them pregnant at 16 over here in the good old UK. The stricter the parent the harder they fall.........
I have now gone more to the "i'll just be there to pick up the pieces at the end" school of parenting!! Well not quite that far, but I do have to be much more laid back than I naturally am if I don't want to drive my children away and I want them to share things with me. I am by nature a disciplinarian which I think can make life with kids a bit frustrating but I do just love them more and more as they grow and change. When you can see the person that you have helped create offer something to the world and be an independent person it's just great.
Saffie
Saffie me 46 H 46 M in 1986 D20,D18,S16,D13 H's A 01/05 to 07/06 H recommitted to M 07/06 renewed vows 09/06 Going from strength to strength
