When's it my turn?

[SDFoundGirl]

Julie, Jen, Nikki--thanks for stopping by. Yeah, isn't it crazy how something that rescues us during difficult times goes by the wayside when things improve? I have a feeling learning to stay detached and rely on ourselves is a loooong journey, but totally worth it.

Jeff--Yes, integrating the head and the heart is difficult. A huge part of the journaling work I'm doing is analytical, but the other part is about attuning my emotions to what my brain is telling me to feel. So, some of the things I've been doing are:

1. Writing a rampage of appreciation for my H

2. Working on a rewrite of last summer that focuses on all the good, wonderful things that happened in my life--before now my focus has been on the negative, but there was a WHOLE lotta positive. Time to reprogram my thinking there and celebrate what a strong woman I became because of last summer.

3. I have a meditation with a visualization I've been using. I put LW in a balloon, then I start blowing the balloon up, bigger and bigger until it's the size of the universe and you can't even distinguish the planet she's on. It's a way of putting her into her proper place and perspective.

4. I have another visualization where I'm holding onto a rope. As time goes by, it gets harder and harder to hold on, but I cling to it like my life depends on it. It's painful and tiring. Finally, I look down, and I see a bunch of people swimming around in this beautiful lake, calling me to just let go and join them. So, I take a deep breath, and I let go. The lake is refreshing, and I find I can just float on my back and enjoy the day. THIS one has been powerful for me!

5. I am actively doing loving things for myself and my H and others. Kind of like the GAL/PMA stuff from last summer. These things are not optional in my life; they have to become the habit. I want more ILYs, so I say it more...not to get more, but because I know what I put out there is what's going to come back to me.

I am being gentle with myself and realizing that it's going to take time to release that emotion. BUT, if I work on it, I know I can do it. Optimism is better than fear and powerlessness, better than anger or revenge. At some point I'd like to be at joy, but that's a hard emotion to maintain 24/7.

Thanks y'all for checking in!

SD