It strikes me that you have two issues here. The immediate problem or opening good channels of communication with your W and HER problems with herself. From what you say I would think that she does not like herself very much and that she uses attack as a means of defense. I can personally relate to this and until she is in a position to face this herself It is going to be hard. Perhaps what she needs is IC rather than couple counselling so that she can address herself and her own vulnerabilities and insecurities without feeling she is exposing herself to you at a time when your R is in a bad place. She sounds like a lady that would rather run from her problems than face them and mentioning the D word has given her the excuse to run. I imagine her head is spinning!!
On a positive note tho' it sounds that the problems may not be much so much your M but rather your W's insecurities and from what you say it seems that there is no other man involved which simplifies the sitch. Keep reading the Divorce Remedy book and practising the techniques. It sounds as though if you can get her communicating again in a positive manner you may stand a good chance of turning this around. Your W sounds complex and it also seems that she is going through a hard time which is making it hard for your R. MY guess is she needs your support and needs to feel safe and trusting so that she can open up and address the issues she has.
Saffie
Saffie me 46 H 46 M in 1986 D20,D18,S16,D13 H's A 01/05 to 07/06 H recommitted to M 07/06 renewed vows 09/06 Going from strength to strength
