I know -- I sound very naive in stating that. I actually meant to italicize "maybe". I know it isn't a definite, but his experience gives me some concern -- excuse me: some concern .
Happy Friday the 13th (at least in my time zone still!) everyone!
Okay, Dave and sunny -- you've really helped me get my mind refocused on me and not on what I can't control, and you've also helped me to realize that W's R with OM is really less than ideal (thanks for that visual, Dave!). I just keep getting this picture in my mind of my life being like one of those Love movies where the W leaves her jerk, a-hole of an H for a kinder, sweeter man who meets her emotional needs and brings her total happiness (horrible picture, and I'm doing my best to forget about it!). The only difference is that in this movie, the H realizes his folly and begins showing W that he has recognized the error of his ways and has truly changed into a man W can love, appreciate, and respect again. Unfortunately, this latter part of the movie is still in the works and I don't know how it will end...anyone else ever see it like that?
Well, I've been working on getting my house into selling shape so I can get it on the market sometime next week. I'm thinking that W is just going to stay with OM until the house is sold and she can buy a place of her own and be financially stable again (who knows though). Anyway, I hope getting this ball rolling in conjunction with the upcoming D date and my plan of communication with W will trigger something in her to make her reconsider, but I'm keeping my expectations at less than 1%. I'm actually excited about getting rid of this big ol' house and downsizing to something that I can take care by myself without feeling overwhelmed. I'm also excited to get a fresh start and to get a place that is 100% my choice -- a place that I can make mine and that won't remind me of W if we end of getting D'd. I plan on getting rid of as many things as I can that remind me of her and our M (furniture, kitchen items, bedroom set, knick knacks, etc. I figure I'll box up a lot of trinkets and gifts that she got for me and save for down the road. I don't know what I'll do with them down the road, but I do know that out of sight is out of mind, and I'll need that to truly detach when completely detaching becomes absolutely necessary.
I'm still trying to figure out how to best approach my W with "the last stand talk" about possible reconciliation in a few weeks. I'm thinking about doing it 2 weeks from Sunday, so the 29th, but could be Aug 5th too (D day is Aug 16th). My DB coach recommended looking for those moments where there seems to be sadness or remorse for the current state of things (like there seemed to be last week when W and I briefly discussed my attempt to unfile). She said that these are moments where the door is slightly open and when an LBS can make an attempt to "strike when the iron is cold" and W is feeling somewhat vulnerable. So, if this sitch arises, I'll try to be ready to seize the moment and do "the talk" then. Otherwise, I'm wondering if at my 2 or 3 week mark I should a) wait until she comes to pick up the kids and just ask her if would sit down and talk to me for a few minutes, or b) call her and ask her if she would be able to meet me for a cup of coffee when she's free, or c) go with another option I haven't thought of. -- Currently taking ideas and opinions on this.
Also, if you didn't get a chance to read my rough draft on what I'm considering saying to W in "the talk", it is posted about a page or two back on this thread.
GD
Oh, and dance practice went GREAT Nomes! Lindy Hop is my new favorite GALing activity (and has been for a little while now)! My instructor keeps saying so many good things about how far I've come, and actually made a comment that I should become an instructor myself (think he was joking though, but it felt good nonetheless!).
And another thing. Anyone watch B.S.U. beat Oklahoma in the Fiesta Bowl last year? B.S.U. is my Alma Mater and I still live in the area -- just got their schedule for this season and am thinking game and DB event this fall. Anyone interested? I'll take care of the tickets...
Glad you're down, JDK -- nice to hear from you again! Any updates to speak of?
Yeah, already got a realtor -- sorry! Kind of hoping that it doesn't sell too quick though if DB event happens because it is a perfect place to host one.
No big updates, just laying low and taking care of me and the boys. Haven't initialed contact with my wife much in the last month, not at all in fact since she left on July 6th. Guess I'll fire up a new thread one of these days, been trying to keep from rehashing everything over and over, seeing if that helps or not.
I like the idea of that last stand talk. Will be interesting to see how it goes. I would not expect any immediate positive response and even perhaps a negative response. You know this but if the response is negative then validate and shut up. That will give her a positive to take away no matter what. It will also give her something to think about.
Thanks Dave -- great advice! Did you read my rough draft of the talk? Did you have any constructive criticism to lend? I respect your opinion a great deal, and if you have anything to say about it I'm all ears.
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