I think your taking it hard, I don't now your support or IC sitch, but I think it would help.
That obvious, huh?
Support is iffy, IC is out of my price range (but I am still making the most of the sessions I did have, and I like me some books.)
Quick update: Not to downplay it, 'cuz I think it's huge, but S had a great day with my Mom. Should have known he would, but I was worried anyway.
Just to set the stage, do not forget about the 3 R talks W and I had on Thursday and Friday last week (Excellent talk on Thursday which I managed to turn into a fight by letting my emotions get the better of me, so I am counting it as 2, and a hazy, mixed result talk on Friday). During the good talk, she actually asked how I would feel about her and S coming home, and I'm still kicking myself for saying I would think about it (I was trying the "take it slow" idea, which would have worked if I hadn't blown it later). After the fight, I'm pretty sure she was able to push the delete button pretty easily, but I'm still heartened by the fact that she was there for a minute.
Anyday, contact has been real minimal but friendly since these talks (Friday talk unfortunately contained an admission that I do not want a divorce, but no risk no gain, right?). Today W had to come and pick S up after work. She left me a VM as she was leaving, sounded okay but a little out of sorts. At the sign off, she did a little stumble/hesitation which to my fevered imagination could have been a Freudian ILY attempt, but I face the fact that that is extremely unlikely.
When she got here, I had S all ready to go, she did not make any move to come inside and I didn't really offer. Gave S a big hug and a kiss, she started getting him in the car, and he kind of slipped (not hurt, thank god), so I just responded as I would have anyway and went to the toher side of the car to help into the car seat. As we worked on the buckles, our hands kind of brushed up against each other (we've got some real interesting contact issues, remind me to expound on them next time you need some sleep). She did another little hesitation, then continued her work in such a way as to prolong the contact. Afterwards I retreated to a safe 10-15ft distance, we discussed some options for the weekend, and I told her she looked good (and, man, did she ever). They left, I didn't cry or anything, actually feel pretty good.
Tough couple of days, and I feel like I deserve a beer, but I guess I'll just have to settle for some dinner. Then it's right back here to catch up on my boys.
Just wanted to get that out while it was fresh, and I'm sure I'll over-analyze the crap out of it before the next post, but thanks for listening.
Yeah, right. Right back into the crap storm for me.
No sooner had I hit submit, the house phone rang. Let it go to the answering machine, it was my Step-Father-In-Law, asking me to give him a call. Did not say about what.
Debated about it, even called my Ma, but finally decided I couldn't dodge it (I have a lot of respect for the guy and have always considered him a friend). Called, got MIL, made small talk (went well, considering the stuff she was spewing on Friday last), during the hand off I could hear considerable whispering (wonder who made him make the call?), and then it was off to the races.
I think I handled myself pretty well. I was vague about a lot of stuff, tried very hard to empathize with his position, talked him up a lot, even told him how glad I was to have him becoming a bigger part of S's life (very true). The bottom line, though, was that it was a fishing expedition. He wants them out of the house, can't understand what W's problem is, wants to side with me but can't, and just needs someone to blame. Wonder who that will be?
The really interesting part? I told W about it. At the end of the goodnight call, I gave her the bare facts about it. Told her I did my level best to respect my relationship with SFIL, my agreements with her (read: her recent and convenient epiphany that this should be between us), and what I felt was best for myself. To any reasonable person, I would have given off a shining luminesence usually reserved for the greatest of mythical heros, but we are talking about a WAW here.
As an added bonus, W called while I was writing the above paragraph. I answered (probably shouldn't have), she proceed to try and pump me for more info about the call. Sounded utterly beaten. She said she will be trying to get a loan to consolidate all of her debt, and that she will be taking everything that is in her name (I guess the divorce is still on). I made a lame attempt at being there for her by responding to her statement "Well, I guess I better let you go so you can get some rest" with the statement "I've got all the time in the world for you, W, but if you need me to let you go I will". You can read any double entendre into that that you wish.
Feeling pretty beaten myself right about now. Maybe some rack time will help.
Nothing too exciting to report today (thankfully). No contact with W except the goodnight call. She semi-insisted on bring S by for the hand off tomorrow, trying not to read too much into it.
Talked to MIL for the 10am call, S was still asleep but MIL was very pleasant and even offered to call me back when he got up. Crazy part? She actually did. I honestly missed it (had the phone on vibrate), but called back about 10 minutes later. Talked to S, MIL still seemed pleasant. So, why am I so nervous about that?
Couldn't help but do a little light snooping last night, found some circumstantial evidence to support W dumping OM. That, or he's on his way here to wail upon me. Welcome to try.
Talked to a couple of friends after work (female, just friends). They are very supportive of me, and seem supportive of what I am trying to do (even if they don't fully understand it). I did go a little further with the facts than maybe I should have, but it's really hard for me to keep everything bottled up all the time. Oh well, pobody's nerfect.
Treated myself to a (solo) sushi dinner tonight at my favorite joint (they all know me by name, and I often get preferential service). It was fantastic, as usual.
Can't wait to see S tomorrow. Maybe a good day to go to the lake?...
why are you talking to your in-laws about your marriage? I would stop this now.
What do you want for yourself, WC? What are your goals?
To have over 4000 posts on this board, Trip.
I agree, the situation is less than ideal. I agree, talking to the in-laws is probably not a real good idea. I am well aware that I am treading on very thin ice here, and I am doing all that I can to avoid any unnecessary contact, and I am certainly not initiating any.
Unfortunately, with MIL in the position of de-facto primary caregiver to my son, I feel it is in my (and my son's) best interest to maintain the best possible relationship with them that I can given the current situation.
What do you recommend, putting my hands over my ears and saying "NANANANANANANANANANANANANA" as loudly as I can?
Seriously, Trip, I appreciate the advice, and I think I understand where you are coming from. I'll see if I can come up with a better solution for the future.
the number of post I have are nothing to do with me posting to you.
I am glad you see my point because you can still maintain contact because of course you have to with your in-laws but I did say about your marriage. I didn't say not to talk to them at all.
Sorry, darlin'. I got a bit defensive (and remain just a touch).
I apologize if my post wasn't entirely clear, but I was kind of set up, after all. I knew the probability was high that the topic would be me and W when I called SFIL back, but it was not prearranged and I felt I had to give him the benefit of the doubt. These things are gonna happen, so I just have to do my best to stay on track for my life and my goals. The conversation could have been a real negative, but I think I may have played it well enough to leave it in the undecided category. Only time will tell.
Had a little of the "Mommy, will you stay?" stuff, but it got glossed over pretty smoothly. W seemed a little wierd, which I guess is an improvement over the strak raving stuff we were seeing. No idea what's going on, as per usual.
I played it cool, but very nice (hoipefully without overdoing it). Gave her a copy of a CD, kind of a risky move. Had some success with music gifts early on in this process, but this one's a little different. More on that later, I'm gonna go play dinosaurs!
