Quoting johnnyU: I seem not man enought to go the distance with her.
johnnyu ~ you ARE enough of a man... you're doing what you feel is right by trying to work out things with the W. stop beating yourself up.
i am on the outs of an EA (electronic), too. it is SO hard to give up that stuff. i've gone without friendship in my M for a long long time. not saying it's H's fault, it's not. but, it still HURTS!!!!
all i'm trying to do is keep my nose to the ground. to appreciate the immensity of the task I've taken on regarding my M. to give myself time and space to heal. was it discorded who said - "giving up the OP is like giving up the cigarette"??? good call whoever said it...
i wrote this poem last night couldn't help it
deep in hazel thickets, I lost myself and wondered why this half moon now lights up my sky
a Barbie doll's resplendent glow beneath the greenhouse Miracle Gro take my hand to turn no more
all the words held by the barrel plugged up tame beref of peril exposed now no longer feral
freedom is a frightening thing a precipice held under wing dissapears 'neath thermal being
marked down three hundred percent paid to take it free of rent warmed it with the letters sent
pleaded please to understand buried it beneath the sand watched the ocean's aching hand
poisoned puzzle pieces slid right into places I once hid and now my rest is simply rid
Well, I diddled with the situation and think I am getting a message from ow. Emails have stopped from her and she did not show up for lunch although she was in my building and the rest of the group showed. Conversation was silent. I feel like crap over it but it had to happen to make it easier to live day by day. She is on my mind constantly and this should help. I'm gonna print out that poem. I used to enjoy poetry so lets see if I can grasp it.
My EOM, being the respectable lot he is, has not contacted me once since I broke it off.
Still, it is very hard for me to not contact HIM. I haven't done it yet, and I think I can make it through the day without doing so.
All these little sources of pride. I did not have one single PA throughout my M, even when presented with opportunity. I did not email EOM today... yet... :P
I hope you like my poem.
Although I fear writing poetry may take me to desparate places... not anywhere near where I need to be today.
ahhhh, yes, you said "she is constantly on my mind" ~ I can SO totally relate.
wow. Well, my feelings for this lady have gone on for 6 months. She might want to be just casual friends and for some reason just adores my company, but dammit I really like her. Her personality just sucks me in. I'd be interested in emailing you over more of this but I'd understand it if you didnt want to do that. I think we can messaage through this cant we?
well, I've posted heavily on my mlc side of things (which is no excuse for my behaviour) and one can find more on my dilema there.
Currently, as an update, this ow seems to be running a little scared after I sent her a 'friendsip' card on V day and of ox of like 3 little chocolates which she thanked me for.
She followed that up by inviting me to the table for lunch with some others. Seems innocent enough. She sort of ignored me the rest of the day but thats fine. Thats is where it should be. Sure, I didnt have to give her anything for Vday. (yes I took care of my W much better thanks)
Well, I had a chance later in the day to run in to her in my office area and I was quick to go about my business and get away from her. She may have seemed uncomfortable and wanting to do her work and I did had things to do hence why they pay me. I blew off a big lunch event with her dyas prior and she seemed upset then and has had stomach trouble for two days since. I dont know if its related but that is why I sent the card and a very very small token of my friendship. Her and I were quite an item last summer and fall as far as 'buddies' is concerned so I feel a close friendsip occurred.
Charcoal, messsages dont seem to be posisble here. We can stay on this forum I'm fine staying here.
I'm going to be very blunt. Very few people are going to try and help you while you are not helping yourself. Either drop your W, get a D, and pursue the OW or Leave OW TOTALLY alone. Do not call, email, have lunch with her, send her "Friendship gifts", NOTHING! You are sending her mixed messages.
There really can be no halfway. You either want to save your M or you don't. Quit hiding behind the MLC label!
well, the decision is to stay with W. I didnt even know what mlc was until last summer. Oh, I'm not hiding behind it, and yes I agree, I am intentionally sending this lady mixed messages and right now feel quite comfortable cutting it completely. As I say the infatuation stage is over, andI think I passed the moral test of sleeping with her by leaving that one summer night before it got worse. SO, thanks for your bluntness. I'm a heardhead and a guy who wants to get on with his life.
I do tend to be a little too blunt at times. It's just that you are bringing more hurt to both OW and yourself by keeping even a friendship going.
Don't think I don't have sympathy. I know how it feels to have a spouse ignore or harp at you. I also know how good it feels when somebody else pays attention. I just don't think you can have it both ways. If your decision is to stay with W, then you need to stay completely and totally away from OW and make her NO part of the equation. You need to concentrate only on what you can do to improve the R and communications with your W.
Sorry it's so rough right now. I hope I didn't sound unfeeling.
