Do I buy a house? What about sex?

[Trixi]

I do NOT want to force us into getting a divorce right this second, just so he can go and have sex with women.

i just noticed this bit. i have two comments on it.

1. you dont "force" him to do anything in that reguard. you dont control whether he files divorce or not. That is his choice

2. if you condone having sex while you two are still married.. you cheapen the value of marriage.

You can state your opposition to something, without anyone doing any 'forcing'.

If he is hell-bent on having sex with someone else.. and he decides to get a divorce to do it.. I say "be glad!"
In one way that shows that he still values the sanctity of marriage.
if he does it.. and then later decides it was a mistake.. you will then not have to deal with the worry of, "well, we're 'together' again, but how do i know he wont cheat on me?"

you will KNOW.. because you'll know he has shown he would not betray marriage like that.

There is good to be found even in "bad" situations, sometimes.

Ermmm...I am really confused by what you have said.
He told me that if *I* really have a problem with the idea of him having sex, then *I* will have to be the one to initiate a divorce. "You need to do what you need to do."

He told me that he wanted to have no rules regarding sex since his whole goal was to know what it is like to be free. And any rules mean he isn't free.

other comment:

Now that I no longer make dinner for him, there is no reason for him to come home

I think the DB way is, "go with what works, and stop what doesnt".

Is this change a long-term positive one, or a negative one?
If it's a bad one in your eyes, then maybe you could reverse what you chose, and start making dinner for him again, if he is interested.

Part of my wifely duties was to make him nice dinners. In his eyes, we aren't together. Therefore, I don't think he should get the benefit of my cooking. Besides, it was getting a little bit awkward.

He is no longer letting me know when he'll be home or not, so it's not practical to be concerned with his eating. I don't think the cooking was having any positive impact.