I've been thinking about the whole lack o' sex issue in a lot of our sitch's. I started thinking about it today, as I am still being pursued via email by this OM, who is a friend of H's. Anyway, what is it that is so exciting about someone "new" finding you attractive, etc.
I started thinking, you know, maybe it's just that after awhile in our M's, our spouse is there 24/7. They know absolutely everything about us. They see us first thing in the morning w/ no makeup and our hair standing on end. They've seen us at our worst and our best. After awhile, maybe we start seeing our H or W as more of our best friend than our lover and that is when the frequency of sex goes down. I'm not saying that having a H or W who is your best friend as well as your lover is not a good thing, it is a good thing, however, maybe this is another reason that sex tends to dwindle after awhile in a M. Since most people don't realize that it takes true EFFORT to keep excitement going, things just go downhill from there.
I don't know, like I said, just throwing some more ideas out there besides the whole "mom" thing. Thinking of other reasons why sex becomes such a non-issue in some M's.
And, no, I am not going to do anything stupid w/ this OM!! I've worked too hard to save my M to do that.
Me: 38 H: 35 S4, S5, S10 Bomb 01/07 Wanted D - nothing would change his mind Numerous A's prior to D bomb; EA prior/during D bomb Piecing 04/07 Deployed for a year 05/07 Still Piecing 2010 M 11 yrs 05/10
They see us first thing in the morning w/ no makeup and our hair standing on end. They've seen us at our worst and our best. After awhile, maybe we start seeing our H or W as more of our best friend than our lover and that is when the frequency of sex goes down None of that turns down my sex drive.
Baggage, disagreements, trying to improve the R with few results does.
Friend of H's started texting and then IM'ing me a few nights ago. Pretty intense stuff.
Me: 38 H: 35 S4, S5, S10 Bomb 01/07 Wanted D - nothing would change his mind Numerous A's prior to D bomb; EA prior/during D bomb Piecing 04/07 Deployed for a year 05/07 Still Piecing 2010 M 11 yrs 05/10
Friend of H's started texting and then IM'ing me a few nights ago. Pretty intense stuff.
Why are you allowing this to continue?
-NOPkins-
I will ferret out an affair at any opportunity.
-An affair is the embodiment of entitlement, fueled by resentment and lack of respect. -An infidel will remain unreachable so long as their sense of entitlement exceeds their ability to reason.
I've told him that I would never cheat on H -- I've been on the "other side" of that too many times. I don't think I'm "encouraging" at all.
Me: 38 H: 35 S4, S5, S10 Bomb 01/07 Wanted D - nothing would change his mind Numerous A's prior to D bomb; EA prior/during D bomb Piecing 04/07 Deployed for a year 05/07 Still Piecing 2010 M 11 yrs 05/10
I've told him that I would never cheat on H -- I've been on the "other side" of that too many times. I don't think I'm "encouraging" at all.
You are conversing with someone that is actively pursuing you. How is that not encouraging? What would you call it if your husband were behaving in this manner?
I can tell you for sure that the "OM" is encouraged by your continued banter.
-NOPkins-
I will ferret out an affair at any opportunity.
-An affair is the embodiment of entitlement, fueled by resentment and lack of respect. -An infidel will remain unreachable so long as their sense of entitlement exceeds their ability to reason.
Understood. I'm sending an email right now that we can no longer "talk" at all.
Me: 38 H: 35 S4, S5, S10 Bomb 01/07 Wanted D - nothing would change his mind Numerous A's prior to D bomb; EA prior/during D bomb Piecing 04/07 Deployed for a year 05/07 Still Piecing 2010 M 11 yrs 05/10
Actually, I'm not even going to do that. I'm just not going to respond the next time he texts, emails or calls. If it comes to it, I'll spell it out, but otherwise I just won't respond again.
Me: 38 H: 35 S4, S5, S10 Bomb 01/07 Wanted D - nothing would change his mind Numerous A's prior to D bomb; EA prior/during D bomb Piecing 04/07 Deployed for a year 05/07 Still Piecing 2010 M 11 yrs 05/10
I might be in the minority but I would tell OM up front you don't want to continue the chatting and you see it as stepping over one of your boundaries.
Tell him "one time" to kindly not contact you for social purposes as you will no longer reply to anything social in nature.
Actually, I'm not even going to do that. I'm just not going to respond the next time he texts, emails or calls. If it comes to it, I'll spell it out, but otherwise I just won't respond again.
I liked you telling him to bug off better, but that will work.
On to what happened, your response to the attention is absolutely normal, and is no cause for alarm. Not acknowledging what happened, and letting things take their course is not a good idea.
Getting noticed and flattered and even turned on is a perfectly normal reaction, especially in your situation. What counts is what you choose to do about it.
You are doing the right thing.
People often get sucked into emotional bonds/affairs that wouldn't have started if they only understood their own needs, weaknesses, and reactions.
Your husband has a real catch in you.
-NOPkins-
I will ferret out an affair at any opportunity.
-An affair is the embodiment of entitlement, fueled by resentment and lack of respect. -An infidel will remain unreachable so long as their sense of entitlement exceeds their ability to reason.
