Would your daughter say that she really wanted to see you R's for herself? Can you convince her that that wld be a better option for her without getting your other D's upset?
Cld also say to H that some one to one time with eldest D wld be gd for her and wld help you with travelling/ driving. It's so rare that one gets special time with just one child, (i have four children). They grow up so quickly and mine seem to really flourish with any one to one time they get. You really get them to open up.
Sounds like H is moving back toward you. Have you decided that's still what you want and do you think it's for the right reasons?
Thinkink of you......
Saffie
Saffie me 46 H 46 M in 1986 D20,D18,S16,D13 H's A 01/05 to 07/06 H recommitted to M 07/06 renewed vows 09/06 Going from strength to strength
Saf, This is the question of all questions that I am now asking myself everyday. The more I think of my H (which I barely do anymore) the more I am disgusted.
I sent him an email this morning that I knew he would respond to:
I was thinking that we really need to get this D moving quickly before it expires. I know you said your not completely sold on her yet,but if you needed to you can make it work you can. I guess it must be working why else take her to exotic places like the islands and now your probably thinking about taking her to Mexico if your job sends you (that is if it really is for work). That was BIG of you to take her to the race also. H use to always say why take the sand to the beach (in other words he would not take any woman(me included) b/c the nice women view. His excuse for taking her was that he had the extra ticket and no one else would go(yeah right).
I know the sooner we finish, the sooner you can make it official w/ her.Isn't that what you want? I want you to be happy really. You two are moving right along rather quickly, it must be right? In time she will soon have your baby!!
Think on this. I will need the original paers from you & I will pay to file. I don't know if I can file w/ only the copies.
My love tank is just about running on empty & yes I know not to expect him to fill it up. I dont want him to anymore...I guess
If you don't mind me saying Chicki it sounds like you gone done got your self a life and moved on! Do you think it wld change your mind if yourH did a 180 and ran home?
Mine never left and yet still I have trouble believing that he wants to be here - though everything he says and does indicates that. I even know I want to be with him BUT can I stand the unsureness of it all and when will I feel comfortable again?
It's really hard when we have been so badly hurt - how can one trust again?
You are doing so well - you seem like a really strong lady and I must say that from your posts I have great admiration for you
Saffie
Saffie me 46 H 46 M in 1986 D20,D18,S16,D13 H's A 01/05 to 07/06 H recommitted to M 07/06 renewed vows 09/06 Going from strength to strength
OH thank you I really needed to hear that right at his moment and time!!
MY H just went pycho again!!!I told him about me taking D10 & he went beserk -No f**** you! No way in h***.He called the electric com. again to schedule to cut off (always does this to scare me). I said fine i wont ake her,but he kept blowing off the handle- I am getting a hule and trash all your things! I said well I will see ya in jail w/ this IM I will print it & have proof! this is y we cant live together we will be at each other throats. I said b/c your psycho! You need help. Plus I dont want you back..H- good then let me sell the house now its 3 months behind before it goes to foreclosure. I saud no u file D first to make sure I get my half. Your woman isnot getting my portion.
Chiki I have read many posts from many different people on here and I can tell you no good comes from IM's and emails. Things just seem to go downhill real fast when people commincate in this manner, at least when they are in a sitch like ours.
Me 45 WAW 46 Married 23yrs D22 S18 D12 W moved out 1/12/07 Divorce Final 2/06/08
I agree with fender to some extent, and definitely think that some of what you said in the email wasn't necessary at all, and likely did more damage than good. I was actually cringing when I read it. Contacting H and throwing on guilt trips isn't going to help, and has obviously not. If you're going to go dark, wait until he contacts you, and be short and sweet -- act like it wouldn't bother you to be done talking to him ASAP so you can get on with doing whatever it is you're doing, going to do, etc. Also, if you DON'T want this D, don't set him up to get emotional and go file. You guys are playing too many cruel games on each other, and it isn't healthy for you and ESPECIALLY not for the kids (i.e. the electricity sitch).
PLEASE be careful about how you're applying your DB strategies -- do you have DR and have you read it? I don't think it would recommend any of what you said in your email to.
You have been strong but I think your strength is in GAL and NOT giving him the attention he needs to thrive in HIS way. You seem to be at your most powerful, (for you that is), when you let your H's attitude and comments wash over you and don't rise to the bait.
I know it's hard when we comment and we are not the ones at the end of his communications, but Chicki, if you read back over the thread you will be able to see when you have had the advantage.
Remember to look long term and at the outcomes. Do you want him back? - I would presume not in his current state of mind. But presumably you did want him back at some point or you wouldn't be here. Have those reasons completely gone out the door? Do you still have love in yourself for him? Is he capable of controlling his anger and becoming the person you want to be with again? Are you pushing him to see just how far he will go?
Sit and think about what it is YOU want as your end result for YOU and your children.
You are one strong lady and you have hit his buttons in a constructive way before. Do that again - don't let HIM become so mad that it's destructive - and whatever you do LOOK AFTER YOURSELF AND YOUR CHILDREN. Your H sounds like he cld be real mean.
Keep in touch.
Thinking of you loads
Saffie
Saffie me 46 H 46 M in 1986 D20,D18,S16,D13 H's A 01/05 to 07/06 H recommitted to M 07/06 renewed vows 09/06 Going from strength to strength
Well, the first thing to do is not give into his threats. He knows you do, you did and he counts on this. Let him threaten.
Next, like fender says, no emails or IM's.
You know what sets him off so do the opposite. Pull out the big DB guns now if you want this marriage and to save your own sanity but if you truly don't then end it.
