Your sounding great JR. Keep in that saddle, she will eventually let that guard down to see that you are changing and changing for the better.
I know what you mean by fearing that fighting for your marriage makes you appear weak, I feel like that also. It is strange that when you fight for your family, a lot of people think it is just because you are insecure or week, when that is actually far from the truth.
Isn't that ironic? That is a sad statement about our society that the family is seen as a sign of weakness. And it is far from the truth. If I was insecure about myself, if I was being selfish and clingy or needy - I would be freaking out, it would be ALL about me, it would be ALL about taking ME back, it would be all about what SHE is doing wrong. My take is on saving my family because it is VALUABLE. It is worth saving. If this was all about me, I'd just say screw her, and move on to the next woman - wouldn't I? of course I would. I wouldn't be taking responsibility for my short-comings, I wouldn't be working hard to learn patience and understanding, I wouldn't be working to improve myself, I'd be DONE! And I'd blame her for everything BAD that has gone down in the last few months.
I'm not blaming her, I respect her. I'm not saying screw her, I'm saying we are worth saving. I'm not giving up, I'm improving myself to be the best man I can be so she can learn to trust me again. I'm thinking about her and our son, I come in as well, but it's about US not me.
Here's a great little thought I received in e-mail today:
Focus on WHAT is right, not WHO is right. You're partners, and supposed to be a team, so the important thing is not to win an argument (competitive), but to score a win for the team in the situation (cooperative), is it not?
This is where I am and where I'd like to see my wife go. we can work this out as a team, for the good of our family. I don't have to be right, she doesn't have to be right, we just need to DO what is RIGHT. If it's right for us to stay together, we do so. If it's right for us to separate permanantly, we do it. but we figure it out together. Doing this alone is just going to lead to bitterness, regret, and anger. That's no good for anyone.
We can talk ourselves into defeat or we can talk ourselves into victory - we are creatures of our thinking.
3/31/07 - Hit with a brick, leaving the dent there...
