Seriously, your wife is doing things that, she thinks, make her happy. Do something that's going to make you happy. I invited my W to take a dance lesson to see if we'd like it. It's something we always talked about doing, but with kids and the semi-cliche our life turned into, never did. She's not responded in 3 days. So, I'm going to go by myself. Currently, the thought of getting on a dance floor and shaking my ample booty terrifies me, but, can't live life waiting for our wives to come around, can we?
I'm a little more fortunate in that my wife and I have regular work hours so we have more interaction. I've started DBing while in LA -- no emails, limited calls, mostly so she can talk to our girls. I'm curious to see what the results are when I'm back home next week.
Think positive, my man. It's going to be a good 7 days for you. You'll be able to focus on yourself and mentally readjust to where you are and where your wife is without worrying if she's going to be home, sleep in your bed, somewhere else, etc. Plus, without the worry that being around someone you love causes, you might be able to hit on some good strategies for when she's back in town.
Whatever you do, don't criticize who she's confiding in. I made a reference to my wife that she was talking to her mom and she went off. My point was only, and she allowed me to make it, that it upset me that she was telling MIL how she felt and not me -- leaving me to guess. However, that's a touchy subject you want to stay away from.
My latest
Me: 36 W: 35 2 D: 9 and 5 T: 16 years M: 12 10/4/06: Bomb 10/5/06: Ended A 4/22/07: ILYBNILWY
Does it ever get easier not seeing your spouse for days? I don't anticipate seeing her until next Wednesday. And I haven't talked to her since yesterday at lunch. She texted me last night at 12:40 am saying she was leaving. To go where, I don't know. Her phone has been off since right after the text.
You MUST detach! I know this is easier said then done, but you have to...you are going to drive yourself insane. I agree with Heimlich, kennel the dog or get someone else to look after it and go to Vegas! You need to not be on your own, keep yourself busy! Turn your phone off and don't worry about her. Are there things that you keep meaning to do but haven't gotten round to? If there are do them!
Me - 44 H - 44 M - 19yrs together - 23yrs D16 S8 EA/PA - Bomb Oct20/06 Jan 8/07 Feb 01/07 Jul 15/07 H still @ home Recovered!
I wouldn't say it gets easier not being around your spouse, but keeping yourself occupied is the only way to do it. Plus, like anything, you do get used to it.
By the time August comes around, my wife and I will have only seen each other for 2 weeks out of 9. I miss her everyday, but thinking about her drives me nuts. Get out. Have fun. Read a book. I believe you said you're in north virginia, go hiking, canoeing. Check out a museum. Whatever you do, just don't obsess. I know, easy to say, but you CAN do it.
My latest
Me: 36 W: 35 2 D: 9 and 5 T: 16 years M: 12 10/4/06: Bomb 10/5/06: Ended A 4/22/07: ILYBNILWY
How quickly things change. It turns out that my mother is not going to go away this weekend, as she is going to stay with my sister who just had her baby (a healthy baby boy). So, my W decides that maybe she wants to go to LBI with the rest of my family and I and she is not going to go see her dad. I am pretty happy right now, as I wasn't expecting to see her until the middle of next week. Only problem is I have to duck out of work for part of Monday. Right now, the most important thing to me is trying to get this marriage back together. I hope this does not get me in trouble, but if it helps get us back to where I want to be, it will definitely be worth it.
It sounds like a baby step, but caution is always needed! I hope that you have a great weekend together, remember be up beat, happy and no pressure or R talk. I will check in with you on Monday, I will be thinking of you!!
Me - 44 H - 44 M - 19yrs together - 23yrs D16 S8 EA/PA - Bomb Oct20/06 Jan 8/07 Feb 01/07 Jul 15/07 H still @ home Recovered!
Sounds like a little rollercoaster ride for you these past few days! Keep your head up and keep DB'ing. Sounds like you are handling things the best you can.
Me: 30 EX-H: 37 DD: 5 Separated 6/07. MC for months, EX-H quit MC. Divorce Final 8/14/08. Trying to move on with new life.
Yes, it has been quite a rollercoaster the last week or so. On Friday, she decides that instead of going to her father's in MA (alone), that she wants to go to LBI (with me) with my family for the weekend. This was a big change because she was planning on taking Monday off of work, and I would not have seen her until Wednesday at the earliest. Well, in order to beat the traffic we decide to leave after she gets off work. She typically gets home around 1 am. So we get down to LBI about 4 and stay in a hotel. The hotel room we have has two double beds. So guess what she does, stakes out claim to one bed and says you can sleep in the other one. I have to laugh inside and just say whatever you want. Saturday we go to beach (this is one of her favorite things to do-I could care less) but I believe she had a good time. I leave her down there to run out and get us lunch. Saturday night we go out to dinner and have a very good time. (something annoying happened at dinner, we ordered a bottle of our favorite red wine and I had one glass. She kept trying to re-fill my wine glass, even filling it when I got up to go to the restroom after I told her I didn't want anymore. Now, I know that she expresses concern about my drinking, yet she does things like this all the time. I don't understand, maybe she is testing me. But I stayed firm and stuck to the two glasses-it was a long dinner).
Sunday we woke up and went back to the beach. Everything was pleasant and cordial. My family has no idea we are going through this. Well, we went for a drive mid-afternoon and it was going so well I told her about my concerns with my career and how I was unhappy with what I was doing. Well, surprisingly enough, she said that she understood what I was saying, that if she was doing something that did not make her happy, that she would be miserable too, and that she just wanted to make sure I had a plan in place before I did something too drastic. I was not expecting her to be so supportive, but we were just getting along so well, and it is something that has been bothering me for quite some time, and I felt like all along I couldn't talk to anyone about it. It felt good to have that kind of conversation with her again. It felt good that she was supportive.
The original plan was for us to come back this afternoon. Well, I got an urgent email from work that required me to be in the office this morning. My parents were down there and leaving yesterday so I told her that I would go back with them and she could come back today as origninally planned. She said that she would rather come back with me. When we got home, I told her I has a good weekend and thanked her and she shook her head and agreed. We shall see what this week brings.
But at any rate this Monday is infinitely better than last Monday.
Sorry I didn't post sooner, was away yesterday, dealing with somemore health issue's with my Mum!
I am glad that the weekend went well for you, anything like that is always a step in the right direction! But remember and expect steps backwards, they are all apart of the process, what ever the final outcome will be. But you are doing great! so keep it up!
Me - 44 H - 44 M - 19yrs together - 23yrs D16 S8 EA/PA - Bomb Oct20/06 Jan 8/07 Feb 01/07 Jul 15/07 H still @ home Recovered!
I am just waiting for the other side to drop. I am expecting it to come pretty soon, just not sure in what form it will come. She did sleep at home last night. So, in the eight days since the "I need to move out for a while to get some space" conversation, she has slept at home 6 of those days.
We haven't talked about MC again, and I think I will try and approach the subject again. I also don't believe that she has seen anyone for IC to work on any possible depression issues. That IC issue, I will allow her to move at her own pace. But, I think it is okay that I bring up MC again. I am also thinking about trying to do more things that a couple would do. Dinner and a movie this weekend sounds good to me. I will mention it to her and see what she thinks.
