Thought I’d post an update. Got a call from H. last night. It’s funny, how after all this time and all he’s put me through, I feel afraid when he calls because I anticipate bad news, manipulation, spew. Lately, though, it seems he’s making a lot of contact just to see how I am doing and to talk. I mean, really talk. So he asked what I was doing (nothing; just watching the ball game). It was sort of uncomfortable for a minute, because as I said I wait for what he’s really calling about. He said, “I just wanted to say hi, and see how you’re doing.” Once I realized that yes, this is all he was calling about, I relaxed. We talked for an hour. You know how you lose contact with someone and then after a period of time you call to catch up? That’s what this was like. He seemed genuinely interested in me, my family, my job. He asked a lot of “how’s so and so” questions and it seemed like he wasn’t just asking to fill air space. It’s easy to talk to him because of the length of time we were together and he knows everyone in my life. And he can still make me laugh. We laughed a lot. He told me about work and some recent things going on. I think he’s ok where he’s at right now in his job. And despite having to sell the house and being so in debt, he doesn’t sound upset or depressed at all about it. The unpleasantness was gone. I kept waiting for it…like a bad penny that always turns up, but it wasn’t there. There has been no discussion about “us” so I do not view what he’s doing as some attempt to reconcile with me. However, after talking for an hour, it was getting late and he said he would let me go since he knew I had to get up early for work. Then he proceeded to tell me his work schedule for the weekend (I did not ask for this) and said, “Well, I’ll be working overtime shifts but I’ll keep in touch over the weekend.” Then as if he needed to have a reason to do that, he said, “Um, I’ll let you know what’s happening with the house.” When he signed off with his usual, “take care”, it wasn’t robotic. I think there was some actual feeling behind it, from his tone. I don’t know, maybe he’s just finally happy with his life now and wants me to know it. I’m not going to initiate any contact. If he needs to reach me to talk, I’ll be receptive. Just thought I’d share. We’re almost at the 2 year mark of the initial ‘bomb’. That’s been on my mind a lot lately.
Most of us really marry only once. First love endures, even unto our dying day. And we never really divorce.
