These women are by and large much healthier than your wife, IMO. So your wife will not be able to relate to what is being said here, it is on a level higher than where she is now. Your wife will not be able to switch over to a healthy form of relationship with you. She will have to grow and it will be painful for her and for you. So don't expect to wake up and find an enlightened, intimate and functional wife all of a sudden.

I absolutely agree. In fact my "approach" would be to not worry about his wife's issues for awhile but for Cemar to take care of himself because besides being "much healthier" than Cemar's wife I would also believe that I am much "healthier" than Cemar. (I really hate putting it that way because I have so many other issues I am working on personally so in the end who's to say who is REALLY healthier)

This is where I think you and I somewhat disagree. I believe the first step for people who have issues with their relationship is to stop and look at themselves FIRST. They need to look at what THEY need to do and want to be FOR THEMSELVES. IF they do this work for their spouse, then they are right back into a covert agreement "If I make myself a better person, then my spouse will love me the way I want to be loved." Then they will be disappointed if their spouse doesn't give them the exact reaction they want. BUT if they make these changes for themselves, then they are HAPPY and their spouse is free to react however they want to react. And even if it is not exactly what they expected or wanted, their happiness with themselves is not diminished. And then this lack of resentment will be a DIFFERENT interaction for the relationship. As I said before, people are not attracted to people that resent them.

Also I think you are correct in pointing out that Cemar's wife may have some painful growing to do. What about Cemar's behavior right now makes him a worthwhile prize for her to be willing to go through the possible pain she might need to face?

Just my thoughts...



But what is happiness except the simple harmony between a man and the life he leads? ~Albert Camus