You're doing right, bro, and I know how hard it can be but you do indeed need to keep going in the right direction. No matter what happens, that will insure that you have done all you can to make things as good as they can possibly be. It's going to be important to you and your kids (and maybe even your wife) down the road.
I really don't mean to pick apart your words but I just wanted to throw a caution to you about this:
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I still fluctuate between wanting to walk away and wanting to save things.
Dude, I still feel that way occasionally now even though things are pretty good. When I start thinking that way it's a red flag for me to snap my eyes back on what's right and do it.
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I think my center most feeling is to focus on the kids and finances as suggested.
That's good. Remember, your thoughts need to guide your actions whether you feel like it or not. That's the tough part. Especially on those days when you're feeling pretty lousy. Lord knows I've endured a few of them myself. And I often handled things completely wrong in the sense that I let my feelings (good or bad) drive my decision making.
Cause there's the thing, and this is true for your wife and everyone as well: Love isn't the only thing that's a decision...everything is a decision, and it's usually a choice to follow what feels good RIGHT NOW, or the path of least resistance right now, or something else.
I feel for you, bro. I know what it's like to have to try and really focus while your world is spinning, yours and your kids' future seems to be in someone else's hands, and you have to protect your kids from the truth about your spouse...and, ultimately, you're protecting your spouse as well. Man even as I type this it's all come flooding back for me, how it was last year.
All I can say is that once most of the storm has passed, however it's passed, you will really feel good knowing that you took the high road.
You keep using that word. I do not think it means what you think it means. -- Inigo Montoya, 'The Princess Bride'
