Well, I first of all, I would like to say thanks for all the advice. It really helps.
Guess what? While I was typing just now the home phone rang, I walked over to it, it was him. It had rang 3 times so I picked it up and said hello, helloooo. and no one answered. his nimble 90 year old fingers must have dropped the phone again and he didn't have his bifocals to see witch speed dial to press, also he didn't have his hearing aid turned up to here me say hello, cause he didn't answer.
back to buisness, nothing really happeded today. I did apoligize with a text. I didnt go home over dinner. after work i did ask if she wanted to talk later cause I needed a nap now. she said didnt need to talk nothing has changed. (I really don't know where I stand w/her right now.) After nap she asked me to make something for d11 s7. She was on computer all evening. I worked on a boat that father-in-law gave us. carb trouble. took kids to and from library activity. Still on boat she called me and said our d20 water may have broke. Pretty sure it did. I'm VERY EXCITED!
The biggest thing bothering me right now is not knowing where I stand. Does she think I'm moving out? Or ok for now? I really don't want to ask her about it right now. She has this week off cause she was planning on being gone.
1. Did you explicitly agree to move out? It doesn't sound like you did. It doesn't matter what she thinks or wants about you moving out. YOU ARE NOT MOVING OUT.
2. Don't worry about where you stand with her. Don't have this ridiculous "check the relational temperature" conversations. You're hot, she's cold. That's what it's like at this stage of the game. Don't discuss it unless she brings it up. Remember don't initiate R conversations for the next 2 weeks. STOP asking her to talk. You see, you pursued her and she shuts you down. Stop the pursuit. Let her come to you and "talk." If you initiate conversation, talk about other things: your grandchild, your new hobbies, etc.
3. Go see a lawyer this week. Squeeze it in to your schedule. Know about your rights. Pay in cash. Don't pay with credit card or check. Questions to ask your lawyer:
What are grounds of divorvce in your state? Is it a no fault state?
Does it matter who files first?
Does committing adultery have an affect on settlement of property or child custody?
Can she legally leave with the kids if you oppose it?
Can she throw you out without legally divorcing you?
You get the gist....
4. Good man...pick up that phone. It's your freaking phone. Make him worried about calling you. He got scared. He knows you are not afraid. The power slowly shifted in your favor.
Next time, if he doesn't answer, ask him, "Is this OM?" You know his name, right? If he answers, "yes", you can say, "May I help you?" He'll panic. He'll know that YOU know, and realize you aren't afraid of him or their relationship. He'll tell your wife you answered and SHE'LL FREAK OUT. She'll ask you what you talked about, and you'll say, "All I asked him was, May I help you?'" She'll see you are not afraid. Slowly the power will shift more in your favor.
5.You see, right now, by being afraid of losing your wife, she has all the power. When you lose your fear, you take back the power you have given her. Another way to get back power is to enjoy your life. This will confuse her -- she won't feel like she can control you anymore. Another way to get back power is to refuse to move out.
I did call a lawyer this morning, he is out until next wed. I have an app. Might try to get in sooner w/someone else. I heard first guy is good though. Even first visit is billable, does $125 hour sound ok? I did specify it was to know my rights.
An hour ago I got a text from w it read"Just wanted to say sorry for last night, I shouldn't have been on the computer like that.
I am really puzzled, why would she aknolage anything to me? I know she has free time right now cause she was going to be gone. I did my own thing last night and stayed away from her. The only reason I brought up talking after work was I didnt think we were done talking from the night before. She did wake me up last night 1:30 to tell me it was a false alarm w/d20.
During my first divorce, (which was a waste of money because she just too off never contested anything, not even custody.) anyway some one told me it's best for a husband to get a female lawyer. It's a psychological thing. If you get a male it's like two guys going after the poor defenseless female. Especially if kids are involved. Don’t know how true it is but it sounds reasonable to me.
Husband
And if I claim to be a wise man, well It surely means that I don't know
I did call a lawyer this morning, he is out until next wed. I have an app. Might try to get in sooner w/someone else. I heard first guy is good though. Even first visit is billable, does $125 hour sound ok? I did specify it was to know my rights.
$125/hr is good.
Wait for the good lawyer. Make an appointment.
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An hour ago I got a text from w it read "Just wanted to say sorry for last night, I shouldn't have been on the computer like that.
I am really puzzled, why would she aknolage anything to me?
She still has feelings for you. She's a human being.
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I know she has free time right now cause she was going to be gone I did my own thing last night and stayed away from her. The only reason I brought up talking after work was I didnt think we were done talking from the night before.
Continue doing your own thing. STOP chasing and pursuing. A little breathing room and she starts to act more human.
NO R talks unless she brings it up. And don't pressure, plead or argue your case. The only place you really need to stand up is about moving out. Use the script I gave you.
Text her note and say back and write..."That's OK."
Just thought I would check in this morning with you guys/gals. Nothing has changed. I did my own thing last night, she did hers. We had supper together w/kids, conversation was what everyone did that day.
I just need to get this off my chest. Found a reciept on table before supper. It had photo keychain, mailer bag, some other stuff. I wonder where that's going? I never thought my wife was like that, I have to wonder if she left it out on purpouse. And the other thing, she looked tired and said she was going to bed 2 hours before me, my d20 and bf where over visiting while she went to bed. When I went to bed she was on the phone in our room w/door shut. She was talking quite loud for midnight. The spare room (currently my room) is two rooms down. I could hear her laughing and talking while I was trying to fall asleep. I don't think she was doing it on purpose, it just hurts to hear it going on. I think I have to accept it if I want to live here for now. Head up move forward.
Rabbit made a brilliant point. Your wife wants you to "unseat" yourself.
She will try to drive you out, by not caring how nastily she treats you.
She wants you to walk out so she can readily replace you with OM.
Don't leave. That's one way of regaining your power.
Errr...why are YOU in the spare room? She's planning on sleeping with another man, flaunting it in front of you and YOU are sleeping in the guest room? WTF?
Take back your power slowly. Don't move out.
Start making a plan for having fun in your own life. Start stretching yourself.
Well my d20's water broke this morning. I'm very excited. I left work at one and started crying. Why? Because I am so happy and proud of my daughter and so sad that things are this way with my w. How am I supposed to celebrate w/my wife? I have never been this emotional in my whole life. I know what is most important to me and she can't see it.
My d20 was 2 when I met my wife. After we where married, I adopted her on valentines day that year. I love her the same as my own.
I finished my shower just now and my w knocks on the door saying that the corn dogs are done, I'm supposed to call my mom, and she is going downstairs to make a phone call.
I'm going up to visit my d20 for a while even though she isn't being checked for a couple more hours.
Tonight I guess I will be sleeping in our room. cause of inlaws. The last time we had company she slept on the floor for part of the night the in our bed for rest of night. I wonder what she will do tonight?
