Out of curiosity, do you think you can forgive your wife for "breaking" the covert contracts over the years? I would imagine you have built up considerable resentment for her "failings."
I started to answer this with a quick, "yes," but then I started thinking about it, it got a little complicated. Here's my inner dialogue: "Yes. Well, of course I expect things will get better between us as I work on improving myself. If they don't get any better, and, specifically, if I don't see any effort on her part to meet my needs, then I'll probably get resentful again. Wait. Isn't that a covert contract?: I'll do this self-improvement exercise, and she'll make efforts to meet my needs. Sheesh...I still have a long road ahead of me."
The difference here is that I am trying very hard to include her in my work, my self-realizations, etc. I haven't done that before...at least not very well.
Originally Posted By: lillieperl
How did she react to your statement, hd?
All I can tell you is that she seemed interested in learning more about the book, and that has continued through the week.
My best friend, who is one of my "trusted people" in my "recovery", evidently didn't quite get the concept behind Glover's book (or maybe I didn't do a great job of explaining it.) Here's an email he just sent me:
Quote:
So, I told [my wife] I have to give you a$$hole lessons, and her only reply was, "at least he came to the master."
Finally, here's some wisdom from the NG forum:
Quote:
An old Lakota indian is teaching his grandson about life. "A fight is going on inside me," he said to the boy. "It is a terrible fight and it is between two wolves.
"One is evil - he is anger, envy, sorrow, regret, greed, arrogance, self-pity, guilt, resentment, inferiority, lies, false pride, superiority, and ego.
"The other is good - he is joy, peace, love, hope, serenity, humility, kindness, benevolence, empathy, generosity, truth, compassion, and faith. This same fight is going on inside of you - and inside every person, too."
The grandson thought about it for a minute and then asked his Grandfather, "Which wolf will win?"
The old Lakota simply replied, "The one you feed..."
