Do I buy a house? What about sex?

[Trixi]

Heh, I guess I am talking to myself at this point; it's a good place to journal.

H is not home and it is nearly 10pm. *sigh* it's just not my business I guess. Soon enough he'll be moved out and then I will have no idea of his whereabouts. Then I can fantasize that he is sitting, all alone, contemplating the huge mistake he made. ha!

I am finding myself quite angry with him. How could anyone say "if I have meet someone and we have a connection, I'll have sex with them"??! What kind of bastard does that?! That is just how little he thinks of me and our marriage. He is basically saying, "I plan to screw whoever I want".

Why am I still wearing my ring? I don't actually have a husband anymore. For that matter, why am I waiting 6 months to see if he returns? And what if he returns with an STD? We have no children together (each of ours are grown) so there will no need for further contact down the road.

I am in a bad place right now. I have stupidly filled my head with the book Uncoupling. Do NOT read it if you want to have ANY HOPE of reconciliation. I feel like this is soooo futile. That I am about to waste 6 months of my life living in this house; paralyzed from moving on, while he goes and creates his own life. Footloose and fancy free.

I transferred the bulk of the proceeds from our rental house sale into an interest bearing acct in my name. I ended up crying at the desk of the poor fellow who was opening the acct.

Someone, please talk me down from the ledge.