Hey, Cemar - But I'm a Nice Guy!

[MJontheMend]

This whole nice guy theory is interesting to me from the POV of a life long HDW. I'll tell you why. I'll use HD's example. HD wanted his wife to want to have sex with him because he chopped down the trees. This is like men on Match wanting me to want to have sex with them because they are romantic. I appreciate acts of service and I appreciate romantic gestures. They both make me feel cared for and loved but they don't make me want to have sex with a man. So, if I had been MsHD, I might have wanted to have sex with HD because he was so commanding in his approach to getting the trees chopped or because his biceps looked so hot wielding an ax but NOT because he made such a nice gesture. So when a HDW like me interacts with a "nice guy" what frequently happens is I convert a "nice guy" into a low-rent "bad boy" and it is not a pretty thing to behold. That is why I say that I would rather be with a guy who will initially play me straight-up monkey. A guy who understands female sexuality won't play nice to me to get sex but might play nice to me just to be nice or to keep me hanging around so he can have the opportunity to play "not so nice" to get me to want sex. - lol. We are all so afraid of being rejected for not being "nice" that we don't even stop for a moment to gain the self-awareness that would allow us to accept that what REALLY turns us on is the surest sign to what would turn on a sexual partner. The hard thing to understand (at least for me) is that sex can be valuable even if we don't value what turns us on sexually. But by acknowledging that I am turned on by (amongst many other things-lol) a devil-may-care attitude and solid biceps, I am more likely to be accepting of the fact that my partner is turned on by a teasing manner and a tightly laced corset. Desiring a woman to be turned on by "nice guy" behavior will therefore lead to resentment if such behavior causes a LD response from a woman but it will also lead to rejection of a HD response from a woman that persists in conveying honestly "I am having sex with you because I like the way you look strong when you wield an ax not because you wield an ax to win my favor." It's easier or "safer" to think that women respond to "niceness" rather than strength so the "nice guy" frequently fears or rejects the woman who is honest or self-aware about her sexuality. At least that has been my experience. That is why I frequently have a chicken-sh*tted urge to "act" less HD than I am or know I can be. Part of the reason I had such excellent sex last weekend was I summoned up some serious boldness and basically told the guy I am dating "Stop being such a gentleman. I REALLY like sex." Luckily, so far, it seems like he got what I meant by that since he is acting like someone who is nice and a sex fiend rather than confusing me by acting like someone who is nice in order to be a sex fiend. Well, at least it seems like I am further along my path to transcendent sex in the primeval forest and I am definitely on my way to skinny-dipping in a backyard pool because he is filling it as I type - lol (ask and ye shall receive)