I pay my W no attention. I don’t say hello or anything. My W walks behind me and says hello, softly. I didn’t respond. I could barely hear her.
Ok, this wasn't really 'bad', but next time at lease turn and say 'Oh, Hello!' and then go about your business. Be sure to "SMILE AND WAVE"
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She starts yelling, etc. I hung on her. I am not going to allow her to continue to disrespect me. W calls me back and is still yelling, I hang up. I call her back and tell her that we need to talk civil and this is not acceptable. W is still all upset and said she is leaving and hung up the phone.
Now, I hope you told her that if she didn't stop yelling you WOULD hang up? Just 'hanging up' with no warning pisses people off, and is rude. Did you?
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I am driving and ask my W to start acting civil for the sake of D3 for now on. W then calls and starts talking about 10 years or our relationship on how I messed up, etc. blah, blah. I tell my W that we went through Retrouvaille and she agreed to forgive me and leave the past in the past. Told my W that I did mess up and I can’t do anything about the past. I apologized and that is it. I won’t do it again.
I think you're 'done with this topic with her. In the future just remind her that SHE is the one who will not let go of the past. And that as long as she holds on to it, there can be no future for HER. No discussion, just statements.
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W is crying profusely about our relationship saying that it has been up and down for 10 years. I then said that I messed up, two wrongs don’t make a right. You are now choosing a D like it is going to solve the problem. My W said that this is an emotional decision.
She's still replaying the past. I think that your statements of your responsibility are good. And I think that pointing out that a D is not going to fix anything is a good move.
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I get a text 5 minutes later from my W. “Life is emotion. People will forget what you say. People will forget what you do. People will always remember how you make them feel”.
ok, so think about a time when you were with her in the past where you felt really really good. Then next time you talk to her, mention this message and say:
"I thought about the message you sent me about people remembering how you make them feel, and when you and I were ____________ it felt really really good. I'll always remember that."
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W said that right now she could not accept me back due to the past. W said that she was always hoping that with more love or age, I would be the ideal husband. .......... I also was always criticized by my W. My W then said that she doesn’t have any bad qualities. I said yes, you do, you are not perfect. Always bringing up the past and threatening D didn’t make me feel secure in our relationship. I told my W that I never thought she would file, I felt secure.
"SHE could not accept YOU back...." Now, this is where you have to shine. Now that you have told her what she does that is not acceptable to you in a relationship, namely the criticizing and raging she does when she's upset, you need to let her know that you won't get back together with her until she ALSO addresses her issues. YOU'LL address YOURS, she will address HERS.
Just a firm 'I want to work on these things, and we're not going to be able to move forward with a new relationship unless we are on EQUAL footing. We BOTH need to grow.
