Character, Faith, and Patience IIII (I think!)

[JR2007]

Because we're not horrible people. We didn't provide something to our spouse that they needed. That's being HUMAN! Making mistakes is human, forgiving is divine. That's why giving forgiveness is so hard for our spouse, they have to stretch to do something that might be uncomfortable. And they think by doing it they're giving in to us. I wish they'd remember when they made mistakes and needed forgiveness and requested it of others. It's like they have done no wrong. We just want the same consideration they got when they needed repentance and forgiveness. Is that really so much to ask? I don't believe it to be, but who knows.

So JR when are you going to forgive yourself?

Now getting that out of the way, yes I believe it can be saved. Why, for two reasons, her agreeing to meet with the pastor and you and for going to the counseling session. What she said was defensive plain and simple. If she was completely done she wouldn't have done either. So there is a shred of hope, sure it's a really, really fragile and thin thread of hope but hope nonetheless. You've all to often pointed that out to me and indirectly you just did it again, thank you!

Oh and if you want some inspiration, you gave me some about 2 weeks ago. From that I have put my ring back on and she noticed. I told her it was my symbol to myself for what I believe and value most, faith, commitment, honesty and family unity.

I have forgiven myself to a point. I haven't forgotten because I want to remember the pain. I want to remember the hurt so I NEVER repeat it. I know it's not in line with true forgiveness, but I can't forget yet. And my memory is weak right now, so I need the reminders.

I believe the things I've told you CatFan, I really do. I just didn't expect to hear such harsh words yesterday. It really threw me off, and I was shocked to hear that she still thinks we're in competition for our marriage AND I was shocked to hear her deny things she had said. She's also denying EVER waivering from her desire to divorce, which I know for a fact is not true, so does the Pastor, so does SHE, so do several of her friends. I am just in a bit of shock.

I know you go through major pullbacks quite a bit with your wife, and I've experienced a major one. I even told Jeff, I know a little how you feel now with this one. It was a major jolt to the system.

Then to hear that she is bad-mouthing me to strangers (more or less) that she knows I'll run into, is very hurtful too. I know she wants to hurt me to get me back for the years of pain she felt, so I'll take it while she wants to give it and hope she changes her mind at some point.