I have been thinking about your sitch and forgive me please if I am stating the obvious. But it mirrors a lot of what happened after my W's first affair ( which is an interesting story in itself , No DB'ing , confrontations with OM , his wife finding out , me being locked out of our house etc etc ) . We got back together then and had a great Honeymoon period but W never recommitted to our M and that led to things slowly going down hill.
At present your H has not recommited. Hes doing enough to keep you on the hook but is still in contact with OW and treating you unfairly at the same time. I think this commitment part is critical if you want not only to save your M but to save it long term and have a better R / M .
How you get that committment is the bit I have not worked out.
