Just wanted to stop by girl and see how you are. You really seem to get what you need to be doing and how to get there. Scary is right. But you can do it. You're an amazing, strong, funny, confident woman. Grab the bull by the balls and exorcise that b*tch.
Remeber that bit in Indiana Jones and the Last Crusade where he has to go get the Holy grail and save his Dad? And he has to walk across that gaping chasm and trust that he will be able to?
I felt like that at times.
Bomb (ILYBINILWY, don't want to be married)Sept05 Seperated Sept/Oct 05 Oct 06 - H recomitted July 11 - I am now a WAW.
I have been reading a bit of what you have been posting to SD about your and her sitch's. I think they may be similar to mine. I am having trust problems with an H who say's he has recommitted. I am too frightened to believe it and cannot enjoy things as I think I should. I am also somewhat fixated on OW even tho' she is out of the picture. At bad moments images of H and OW come to mind.
Am I in the right area here or is this not anything to do with your sitch's. I was hoping for some advice or ideas on how to move on with the reconnection process.
Saffie
Saffie me 46 H 46 M in 1986 D20,D18,S16,D13 H's A 01/05 to 07/06 H recommitted to M 07/06 renewed vows 09/06 Going from strength to strength
Thanks to those of you who responded...I'll comment back when I have more than a few seconds.
Just wanted to record this while it's fresh. I was doing some journaling work today, working on exorcizing LW, when I realized that the real pitfall of piecing is we begin to rely on the other person to make us happy again. I couldn't figure out what the problem was, why I think I was actually happier last summer when H was estranged.
Well, I've figured out I've been treating H like I need him, not like he's a fabulous person to share my time with in my already happy, awesome life. That's it. Simple. What H does has to relevance to my happiness. I am strong enough to deal with whatever, and the only thing that matters is that I love myself and know I'm okay no matter what.
SD
Me: 40 H: 43 H had EA from 2/06-9/06 Bomb 5/06 Piecing since 9/2006 3/2008: Boundary setting 7/2009: Boundary crossing~dropped my own bomb. 8/2010: Marriage finally on track!
SD - I'm so glad you shared that cause it fits my sitch perfectly right now, too. Thanks!! It's funny how people can tell you something over and over, but when you finally read it or realize it at the right time it really clicks.
Hooray!! to loving yourself, and knowing that you're ok. In fact, you're great.
Me 35, H 38; Together 13.5 yrs, M 7 Bomb 1 10/07/06 Sep'd 1/14/07 - 4/15 Piecing: 4/07 - 9/07 Bomb 3 10/11/07: Never loved you, let's separate 2/08 slowly improving 7/08 Piecing (7/25/08 rings back on!!) Current thread
the real pitfall of piecing is we begin to rely on the other person to make us happy again.
That's a great reminder, SD, even for those of us who aren't going to be piecing. It's easy to slip back into old patterns and I'm glad you've realized this so you can recapture the happiness you deserve.
Hey girl, Your last few posts are very logical and analytical. Of course you recognize the areas and the "why" of things that are happening.
Okay - you got that half of your brain in gear. Now how about the other part? What is your plan to get the emotional side in gear? What actions or "exercises" can you do to get that side of you to "believe" what the logical side is saying?
I think there is an internal conflict going on. Get in touch with it b/c that is how we grow.
Great point, Jeff223! This is the tough part... getting our emotional side "believing" what the logical side is saying. It takes time and effort to change our thinking/feeling.
Me: 37 M: 14 yrs Separated 10/06; Filed for D 12/07 Life is good.
Julie, Jen, Nikki--thanks for stopping by. Yeah, isn't it crazy how something that rescues us during difficult times goes by the wayside when things improve? I have a feeling learning to stay detached and rely on ourselves is a loooong journey, but totally worth it.
Jeff--Yes, integrating the head and the heart is difficult. A huge part of the journaling work I'm doing is analytical, but the other part is about attuning my emotions to what my brain is telling me to feel. So, some of the things I've been doing are:
1. Writing a rampage of appreciation for my H
2. Working on a rewrite of last summer that focuses on all the good, wonderful things that happened in my life--before now my focus has been on the negative, but there was a WHOLE lotta positive. Time to reprogram my thinking there and celebrate what a strong woman I became because of last summer.
3. I have a meditation with a visualization I've been using. I put LW in a balloon, then I start blowing the balloon up, bigger and bigger until it's the size of the universe and you can't even distinguish the planet she's on. It's a way of putting her into her proper place and perspective.
4. I have another visualization where I'm holding onto a rope. As time goes by, it gets harder and harder to hold on, but I cling to it like my life depends on it. It's painful and tiring. Finally, I look down, and I see a bunch of people swimming around in this beautiful lake, calling me to just let go and join them. So, I take a deep breath, and I let go. The lake is refreshing, and I find I can just float on my back and enjoy the day. THIS one has been powerful for me!
5. I am actively doing loving things for myself and my H and others. Kind of like the GAL/PMA stuff from last summer. These things are not optional in my life; they have to become the habit. I want more ILYs, so I say it more...not to get more, but because I know what I put out there is what's going to come back to me.
I am being gentle with myself and realizing that it's going to take time to release that emotion. BUT, if I work on it, I know I can do it. Optimism is better than fear and powerlessness, better than anger or revenge. At some point I'd like to be at joy, but that's a hard emotion to maintain 24/7.
Thanks y'all for checking in!
SD
Me: 40 H: 43 H had EA from 2/06-9/06 Bomb 5/06 Piecing since 9/2006 3/2008: Boundary setting 7/2009: Boundary crossing~dropped my own bomb. 8/2010: Marriage finally on track!
Thanks for sharing.