I've been in forced darkness for these 3 months, I've now seen my W 3 times in all that time. I've been told the time away from communication is good. I've never believed it and I don't now, even less so after yesterday.

The time apart has allowed her to get deeper and deeper into her sadness and fear and hurt. I can't be there to comfort her or let her know I care. SO, she goes to other people and I'm out, completely out. she has literally made her self believe that she does not need me at all. Not only does she not need me, but she does not love me either.

Does anyone really think there is any coming back from that?

Tell me how, and I'm happy to do it. Oh, and I'm still in the forced darkness for 4 more weeks, so I'm guessing I won't see her til then either. 3-4 weeks seems to be the norm right about now. Really, I saw her this time after 4 weeks because my therapist took it upon himself to call her. I wouldn't have heard from her otherwise. See? Anyone see anything positive in this? I'm still here fighting because my family is worth it, they are the most valuable thing to me. But W even said, my family is S4 now. When I told her I'd be here fighting for our family, she asked "WHY?" I told her because it's valuable and worth saving. She said nothing.

When you give nothing for so long, I guess you get nothing in return. The emotional tank was dry for so long for my wife, that any attempt to fill it on my part evaporates before it hits the bottom. I will keep trying though. I said I was in this forever, and I meant it. Forever just might be a little closer than I thought.

We can talk ourselves into defeat or we can talk ourselves into victory - we are creatures of our thinking.

3/31/07 - Hit with a brick, leaving the dent there...