I think the thing of it is--you still love him. I'm just hazarding a guess. I know that the worst of my interactions with my H occurred while he still had my respect, and all of my love.
Then I found his love letters, to and from his harem. I had only been trying to detach before. But now love was replaced by something like pity--real pity. Not the kind of pity you tell yourself you feel for someone in his craziness, while still desperately wanting him back. I was still jealous, still sad-- and he does still have the power to hurt me--but not as much. Because of that, we actually get along much better. H is starting to see the kids more often. He hears me when I talk.
The more you love and hope, the more vulnerable you are. And, if you do still love and hope, you can't really change that. Sometimes even the lousiest behavior will hardly even weaken the attachment of a faithful heart. You're not ready yet for these men who've taken an interest in you, but I love your daughters' matchmaking efforts. It just tickles me. Kids aren't always wrong: they're optimistic and looking to the future.
I just KNOW that you're going to come out of this beautifully. I can tell that you're strong and attractive. You're going to be BETTER off. Your capacity to love strongly is going to win you the happiness that you deserve.
