Frustrated and Saddened

[Heimlich]

Stew,

I was just reading over your thread and wanted to say that you ought to feel good about where your head is now versus where it was in early June.

Regarding your wife wanting an apt, while I'm with you in that I don't want my wife or I do physically separate (she says she's done, but we haven't discussed any alternate living arrangements) for the same reasons you mention (just their physical presence at a time like this is a gift of a sort), I can speak from experience that time apart can allow you to get your head on straight. I've just spend 6 of the last 7 weeks in Louisiana (3 weeks planned -- kids with grandparents; 3 unplanned -- help my brother move). It allowed me to detach in a way that I wasn't when around my W daily. It's terrible wanting to be close to someone you're crazy in love with that wants out of the relationship. Sometimes some distance isn't bad.

Maybe the two of you could arrange your schedules so that you're de facto separated, but living in the same condo -- just not at the same time? With occassional nights with friends when you're both off at the same time? I know you're worried about an A. My W had one with a co-worker as well. At some point you have to decide to trust them. Otherwise, you'll just tear yourself up thinking about it. And, practically, I hate to say this, but if someone wants to have an A, they will.

Hang in there,

H