That was your first session, how many times has the counselor met either one of you. Take his opinion seriously, but remember it is only an opinion. Just because she has not committed to going back for the next appointment does not mean she won't. Don't hang your hat and give up yet.
I've been to him quite a few times, he's really good with me. I don't know why she went, she talked about what a rotten person I was to her, so maybe she just wanted one more person to vent to?
I realize she COULD come back, but with her, "Maybe" has meant "NO" every time so far.
I'm not giving up as it were, but I'm letting her win. She has felt that her opinion never mattered, that her intelligence was insulted by me never listening to her, that I never realized everything she had to offer. She feels that anything I'm trying to do now is for ME to WIN. Not US, ME! I thought WE could WIN together (that's really the only way with potential divorce) but that's not happening in her mind. In her mind, and she said this, SHE WINS with a divorce. She sees this as her chance to make her opinion heard and realized in action.
I only want her to be happy, not just happy with me, but HAPPY. If this will make her happy, I'm going to give it to her. We'll see if she speeds things up, but it's Ok if she does. She needs to get her way, she needs to build her self-esteem, she needs to feel in control of her life, and this is how she's going to do it. It's a good thing for her, somehow. 11 years of putting up with this, and now being able to be rid of it? That's not going away. She even mentioned she should have left a long time ago but didn't. She has been miserable for years and stuck it out. That's admirable and I can't expect her to keep trying. Regardless of my changes, she can only go by what she knows, and that is what she's doing. She feels righteous and vindicated, and well, she probably should.
I thanked her for helping me realize my shortcomings, and she said she just wanted me to be the best father I could be for our son. That's it.
I don't go back to the therapist for two weeks, and he said he's not going to contact her until after that, but I'm not even holding my breath for that. I'm just going to attend my sessions and work on me, and keep working on doing my very best all the time - and being a man about it. And if I fall short sometimes, asking for forgiveness and apologizing straight away instead of waiting 11 years for my wife to divorce me before I wake up to my failings. That's a pretty good goal.
We can talk ourselves into defeat or we can talk ourselves into victory - we are creatures of our thinking.
3/31/07 - Hit with a brick, leaving the dent there...
