I'm doing ok. I have been trying to keep busy and detach. I am going to a concert with some friends tonight, so that should be fun.
At this point in my sitch, I am just waiting for the D papers. Part of me just wants to sign them and get this over with, but there is still a part of me that wants to attempt to work things out with H (this part shrinks everyday). I think that he was probably surprised when we had the D discussion yesterday that I didn't make any of the following comments...Is this what you really want?...Once we sign these papers it's over, etc. This was another 180 for me, in the past have always tried to make him second guess himself. He has not had that oh my God, I screwed up my entire life, how do I fix it moment yet. A little piece of me thinks that me signing the D papers will be that moment for him, but I'm afraid that he is going to have that moment in a year when he sees me out with someone else or he drives by our horse farm that he built and realizes that he lost everything for this OW that he doesn't even care about.
I'm going to try and stay strong. At this point in my sitch, if he wants to attempt anything with me, it is going to be no contact with OW and he is going to have to win me back. I'm done bending over backwards for him. This guy that I have been dealing with for the last 8 months sure doesn't deserve it. It's time for him to do some bending.
M:28, D finalized: 8/28/07 Current Thread
"When life gives you a hundred reasons to cry, show life that you have a thousand reasons to smile."
Hang in there. Your feelings are normal ones. Sometimes it does get so exhausting that you wish it would end, for your sake.
I too fear the same in regards to my W. Bandaids are exactly what they are, it is such a good description of these OM/OWs. It is so bizaar that they cannot see the consequences of their actions.
Stay strong, you have done as much as can. Let him now come to the realisation that maybe you have had enough and have conceded that life might me better without him.
That is the way I will approach things when my W gets back from her holiday with OM tomorrow.
Hopeless and Gracey, Are ya'll country music fans? I particulary like George Strait's song "She Let Herself Go". The song where the H leaves her and she begins to make a wonderful new life for herself. It makes me smile and think there is life out there. I heard it today and thought of our situations.
Yoyo
Life's challenges are not supposed to paralyze you, they're supposed to help you discover who you are. -- Bernice Johnson Reagon
Yoyo, I am a country music fan, and I can definately relate to that song too. Actually, I can relate to too many country songs. I told my fil way back in March that "I was letting myself go". He said why would you do that you are just fine the way you are. I said if H comes back, he is going to be coming back to a whole new me.
My mil just called me. I haven't talked to her in a few days, and we used to talk about everyday. I'm trying to cut off some contact with my ils, not that I don't like talking to them, but I think it will help me detach. From the conversation, I still got the impression that H is miserable, and he still doesn't know what he wants to do. I guess he is in denial not only about how screwed up his life but that this marriage is over. I want to scream at him and say "THERE IS NO CHOICE TO MAKE. WE ARE DONE. YOU WANTED SOMEONE TO TELL YOU WHAT TO DO, SO I MADE IT EASY ON YOU. I MADE THE CHOICE FOR YOU. IF THE OW IS SO GREAT, BE WITH HER AND LEAVE ME THE H$LL ALONE. I'M MOVING ON."
I think that he is going to be in the area this weekend. I think that he plans on meeting up with me to give me the D papers. I'm sure that he didn't want to just send them because he wants to see my reaction and manipulate the situation if he can. If I do see him, I have to be strong. I can't back down (easier said than done). I can't say Is this what you really want? I've done that before and look at where it has got me. My plan is to take the papers, but I am not signing them with him there. I am going to consult an attorney before signing to make sure they say what they are supposed to. I am going to pretend that D is what I want and see his reaction. Actually, I wouldn't be completely pretending, part of me does want a D. Any advice on how to handle this situation?
M:28, D finalized: 8/28/07 Current Thread
"When life gives you a hundred reasons to cry, show life that you have a thousand reasons to smile."
Play it cool, keep it brief, keep it light, no R talk, end the meeting by saying, "thanks for bringing this to me in person, and hope you have a good weekend. I got to go, got some plans. Bye!"
I agree, don't sign anything until it's been looked over by your L. I also agree you shouldn't ask him if this is really what he wants. You wouldn't want a confused man back, surely. Maybe, one day, when he has grown up, and is unconfused, then the two of you may get back together, but he is clueless right now, but that doesn't mean he's forgotten what buttons to push with you. So, be careful.
Me:57 H:52 M:28 Got another lawyer last year and filed. D35,S/D twins28,D22 EA4/04 End? Who knows? "Life is like a mirror. Smile at it and it smiles back at you." — Peace Pilgrim
Please make an appt. today to see a lawyer next week. Your H said he would mail the papers to you if he wasn't in the area in the next few days. If he doesn't show up, and you don't get them in the mail, contact him on Monday and tell him you made an appt with a L and you need the papers faxed right away. (Get your L's fax number when you make the appt.) If you don't get any papers by the time of your appt, then have the lawyer start to draft your own.
Assuming he is in the area, do you expect he will try to just drop by? If he comes to the door to "drop off" the papers, thank him and tell him you will review them with your lawyer, and then shut the door. Don't read the papers then. If he engages you in conversation, step outside and close the door.
To enforce this point, you can even take the papers, drop them inside, close and lock the door, go to your car, and proceed to run an errand. "Thanks for dropping them off; I'll look at them later, but I'll have to have my lawyer look at them before I can sign anyway. Would you mind moving your car? I'm on my way out."
Thanks for the advice. I have an appointment on July 23rd with an attorney. My H will call before he just shows up. He knows that is the way I want to handle things and has never crossed his boundaries with just showing up. If I see my H, I will keep it short and sweet, and pretend like I have other more important things to do. If I really wanted to see him squirm, I would make sure that I was all dressed up and pretend like I was going out on a hot date and didn't have time for him, but I just can't be that mean. Hopefully, it pays off for me in the end.
Last edited by hopeless11; 07/12/0711:50 PM.
M:28, D finalized: 8/28/07 Current Thread
"When life gives you a hundred reasons to cry, show life that you have a thousand reasons to smile."
Dont think of it as being mean, beleive me when u turn the tables around it soemtimes gets them to wake up even it jsut a tad bit!! Plenty of books reccomend it.
At first I was not doing it on purpose ..I was just GAlling,but I would doll up and be mysteriuos AND from then on H beleives I have a BF....got really jealous and I guess it just went to priove to him he still cares..thsi sop mich that he even admitted it after I said why all the questions for? You have no right to ask anymore... H- well b/c I obviously still care!
I think you should make sure you look good, but not all dressed up. Whatever makes you feel the most comfortable and confident. This is the right message to send no matter if you have shut the door completely or not. I'm sure you'll do fine.
