Do I buy a house? What about sex?

[MaxP]

MaxP,
I read thru a lot of your threads. I am so similar to you and my H is very similar to your W.

Yes, it's strange how these situations repeat themselves.

I have the hardest time organizing and so I have tons of "stuff" and boxes to sort thru. I figure that both H and my stuff is choking us, and if I have to move I won't want to move all this carp. And if I don't have to move (because he comes back) then it will be a much better house to move back to. Either way, it will be a win/win and hopefully clear some of my mental energies. My plan is to pick a room to work on every day and do *something* with it. It doesn't have to get done that day.

Sounds like a good plan. I too have a plan to sort through our stuff and get rid of the things I no longer need. A room a day would only last me four days though (if I completed the sort out)! What's in the garage would take longer though.

I have an issue with thinning hair and have felt like I must wear a wig (sucks to be 40 and in that position). When I didn't wear a wig, I was always afraid of the sun and rain. Now that I do, I am afraid of the wind. Either way, it hinders me being adventurous. This is why it actually *meant* something for me to say "sure" to going in the convertible. H has said that I should lose the wig ... snip ... Bottom line--I naeed to find a way to feel comfortable in my own skin/hair.

Yes. This sounds like a confidence issue and I cam completely understand why it would be distressing, particularly for a woman. As others have suggested perhaps there are people that can help. Do you know if there is a cause (ah - your thyroid I guess)? Finally, remember that wigs can be very sexy - a different look every day!

BTW I was diagnosed with a thyroid condition too (six weeks ago). Life sucks sometimes. In my case the best side affect was that I lost weight. I now feel fantastic but do worry about the future.

After our 'talk' last night, I was doing very well; until I started obsessing about him being with someone. I still have very high hopes that he'll back and so I didn't want our fidelity to be stained. I need to get my PMA back up because I certainly don't want his final memory to be of me having a melt down.

Well, we are on the same page here. I worry that once she's gone I will have little idea as to what she is up to. Perhaps her view of separated = free to be unfaithful. After all she 'doesn't really love me' and is fulfilling her fantasy of living on her own again. This really sucks. I of course will be completely faithful and distressed.

Should I just ask her whether she plans to be faithful rather than making a request (as I have done)?

Isn't it funny how anonymity makes me spill the beans (re hair) on something that I spend a great deal trying to hide?

Yes it is strange what you are prepared to say here but not to others. One of the things that I now know about myself is that I have difficult forming strong adult friendships where I share significant personal information. This is because I believe I have a trust issue with anyone knowing what is private to me because it makes me feel vulnerable. My wife looking to end our R hasn't helped that.

He again told me last night that he felt like I mothered him sometimes. I think I am almost TOO stable for him.

Ah, now in my case my W feels like she is my parent and has to look after me. This means we don't have an equal footing in the R which can cause all kinds of problems. So we often fall into a parent child interaction pattern. I pointed out to her that she doesn't need to look after me, I am a perfectly capable adult and am fed up of being treated like a child. It really, really annoys me. We are hopefully going to pursue this issue in counseling today.

I keep reading that I should be trying to avoid (physical) separation; I wonder if there is anyone out there who has physically separated that it worked out for??

I read that too, but there is not a lot I can do about it. Last Monday my W announced she has signed the lease on an apartment and was moving out (this weekend coming). We had discussed this briefly at a very high level but it had gone quiet. I had know idea she had started looking. No consultation, nothing before being told it was all sorted. That hurt.