Thanks for the responses. I'll catch up some more later.
Tonight was a positive.
I went to meet with clients and an old boss who is throwing the work my way. Well he happens to be an ametuer therapist. Actually pretty good at it, and is always reading up on it, thinks he choose the wrong career. So we talked for about 2 hours and he had a lot of insight and gave me some good ideas and also set me up that things may not go as I choose and I have to be ready either or.
Well W comes to pick up S, she wants to talk. Then she is silent, I ask what would you like to talk about and she says oh, nevermind. I tell her I am open and receptive to hear her thoughts and will listen without judging and she says she’s ok. So I say, well I want your feedback on the SUV, you want it huh? That isn’t a problem at all, can you tell me why though? She laughs, I can’t afford the gas “I think I was testing you.” Glad I told her over the phone, that we would talk but she could have it.
I asked her if I could bounce some things off her and she said sure. I told her that I didn’t feel comfortable with the power shift in the R and that it was detrimental. She asked for an example, and I said, well you have access to the house any time and you do come over, but I don’t have a key to your place. I don’t need a key to resolve the matter, but I need you to respect my space. Totally floored her. Oh, that is a good point, what would you like to do about it? I told her she is welcome any time but I would like a call prior to and I would then feel that she respected my space.
I again asked how she was doing and tried to get her to talk about what she originally wanted to. Not to much success. I then initiated R talk. Hope this doesn’t kick me later, but I told her I was available for her, and I asked for some time to spend with her. She agreed, but stated I can’t say when yet, I just need to do it at my pace. I said that is fine, you take the time you need.
She then said she was scared, she has realized now that she is throwing away a lot. She realized that these men wanted only one thing. But she said she was scared of me, not physically, but emotionally. She thought I would just hurt her again, and then she went into how I hurt her. Well I didn’t hit back, but I pulled the blanket off. I told her how she had hurt me, and the things she did. She was pretty awestruck at first, then she said she agreed. Asked if we could fix it or if we were doomed, told her nothing can’t be worked on and fixed.
She said she noticed the quick changes and wants to see them continue, and appreciates all I am doing. Then this floored me, she said she feels like for once I’m taking care of her. I think tonight I have had the epiphany on this. She wants to be taken care of, ie. I listen to what she needs and respond, like groceries. When I control I give her what I think she needs or wants, haven’t listened, and without asking her view. Pretty lame! Been doing that for a while.
Things ended on a good note, said she wanted to spend time with me as well, but it would take time.
I hope this goes, because I’m just giddy, sure there will be slides back but I don’t want to see the bottom again.
