Why is it the men always end up in the apartments?
Because were the suckers.
No kidding.
At this counseling session, the therapist was asking W to share some events that led her to this point. She shared some that I knew full well about. They're been engrained in her mind for YEARS. She gave her POV as to why they made her upset and how she reacted. It was eye-opening, she had never shared this particular piece of the puzzle. I then shared why I acted the way I did and she completely discounted it. I guess I can empathize more fully with how she felt now, eh? I can anyway, I know how bad it sucks to be ignored, or to feel ignored at least, I HATE IT! And I did it to the person I value the most in life. That's messed up. This D is a real shame, and could be avoided, but maybe she really will win. Maybe the next guy will listen better - he won't be as aware of her as I am now, but I burned my chance. Now someone else gets a shot at the best thing that ever happened to me, that really sucks.
We can talk ourselves into defeat or we can talk ourselves into victory - we are creatures of our thinking.
3/31/07 - Hit with a brick, leaving the dent there...
SH......my W also left the house, and I told her not to.
Now we are apart, but she still acts like we are married - to a point. There is no ML or hanky panky.....just civil contact, with an occasional lashing out every once in a while......
~Sol
~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Single Dad, and luvin it! ~ Happiness is a state of mind ~
Yeah we can have really good conversations on the computer. Face to face still seems a little strained though. Civil but nothing like emailing or IM'ing. Definitely no touching between us.
W: 33 H: 37 SS: 14 S: 7 S: 3 married 08/09/97 Seperated 11/02 05/07 H moved back 8/26/07
I've been in forced darkness for these 3 months, I've now seen my W 3 times in all that time. I've been told the time away from communication is good. I've never believed it and I don't now, even less so after yesterday.
The time apart has allowed her to get deeper and deeper into her sadness and fear and hurt. I can't be there to comfort her or let her know I care. SO, she goes to other people and I'm out, completely out. she has literally made her self believe that she does not need me at all. Not only does she not need me, but she does not love me either.
Does anyone really think there is any coming back from that?
Tell me how, and I'm happy to do it. Oh, and I'm still in the forced darkness for 4 more weeks, so I'm guessing I won't see her til then either. 3-4 weeks seems to be the norm right about now. Really, I saw her this time after 4 weeks because my therapist took it upon himself to call her. I wouldn't have heard from her otherwise. See? Anyone see anything positive in this? I'm still here fighting because my family is worth it, they are the most valuable thing to me. But W even said, my family is S4 now. When I told her I'd be here fighting for our family, she asked "WHY?" I told her because it's valuable and worth saving. She said nothing.
When you give nothing for so long, I guess you get nothing in return. The emotional tank was dry for so long for my wife, that any attempt to fill it on my part evaporates before it hits the bottom. I will keep trying though. I said I was in this forever, and I meant it. Forever just might be a little closer than I thought.
We can talk ourselves into defeat or we can talk ourselves into victory - we are creatures of our thinking.
3/31/07 - Hit with a brick, leaving the dent there...
It sure feels like it. I think I'll just call her and tell her she wins. That's what she wants, maybe I can give her something good at least once in our relationship?
We can talk ourselves into defeat or we can talk ourselves into victory - we are creatures of our thinking.
3/31/07 - Hit with a brick, leaving the dent there...
Hi JR - I agree with Jazz. It's not over unless you stop trying. Just keep on giving mouth to mouth eventually she'll start breathing again. I am in the same boat. I have been feeling the exact same way. I just got to a point where I felt like I had to give her what she wanted. I told her that she deserves to be happy and thanked her for giving me the time and space I needed to work on my issues. I told her that she made the right decision in leaving and that we both deserve to be happy. By validating all her feelings I tried to take off most of the pressure from the sitch. Now that I planted the seed all I can do is sit back and see if anything grows. If not at least we gave it our best. The great thing about this whole experience I feel is that we are getting to know ourselves better and becoming better people for ourselves and our families. Knowing that, I smile inside whenever she gets me down. I feel good knowing I am actually working on my self and not running away like a lot of our spouses are doing. If most of us would have taken the easier way we would not be here.
Good luck my friend. I'm praying for all of us. BM
I've been in forced darkness for these 3 months, I've now seen my W 3 times in all that time. I've been told the time away from communication is good. I've never believed it and I don't now, even less so after yesterday.
The time apart has allowed her to get deeper and deeper into her sadness and fear and hurt. I can't be there to comfort her or let her know I care. SO, she goes to other people and I'm out, completely out. she has literally made her self believe that she does not need me at all. Not only does she not need me, but she does not love me either.
Does anyone really think there is any coming back from that?
YES
M 41 W 33 S8 S17 Bomb 3/11/07 S 3/28/07 New beginning? 8/31/07
I've been in forced darkness for these 3 months, I've now seen my W 3 times in all that time. I've been told the time away from communication is good. I've never believed it and I don't now, even less so after yesterday.
The time apart has allowed her to get deeper and deeper into her sadness and fear and hurt. I can't be there to comfort her or let her know I care. SO, she goes to other people and I'm out, completely out. she has literally made her self believe that she does not need me at all. Not only does she not need me, but she does not love me either.
Does anyone really think there is any coming back from that?
YES
Really? I'd love to believe it. I have faith that good things CAN happen, which is why I won't give up, but if there is NO LOVE, and I'm not talking about ILYBINILWY, I'm talking about I DON'T LOVE YOU! Where do you start? She won't talk to me, so we can't be friends. She thinks we will be after the divorce, but somehow we can't be before hand. And now I find out, she thinks I'm holding up the divorce by not signing papers???? We don't have any papers to sign. So, if I had these supposed papers and signed them we'd be over! There would have been no visits with the pastor, there would have been no visit with the counselor, nothing! She is still as pissed as ever and it's even more engrained now than it was 3 months ago.
Still think there's coming back from this?
We can talk ourselves into defeat or we can talk ourselves into victory - we are creatures of our thinking.
3/31/07 - Hit with a brick, leaving the dent there...
