CVA - Thread 2, Hold mode

[Nomopo]

Ok. Earlier you wrote "My W says "I like him?"" The question mark is throwing me off. Did she like him? Is that why you think she may not go back to hers? Maybe she wants to switch to yours?

If I were you, I'd get in to meet the C I suggested and see if you like her. Tell her upfront that you would prefer couples counseling, but you are willing to do some IC mixed in or only IC if W won't come, so she can approach it the right way to be able to see you both.

And I would start brainstorming how to approach your W with it. If your W has her own IC, but now likes and may want to switch to your IC, and then you propose a third C, it may be a little odd and throw her off. But I'm not sure I'd let that stop me from trying. In my mind, the difference in a good counselor versus a not good (traditional) one is HUGE.

So, how to approach W:

1. Just ask her directly to go see the new C with you or by herself - ask the C which is best. Can you tell W that a friend recommended this therapist because he and his W had great experiences with her? If not, maybe you can say you found the website and you went to see her and loved her (or are going to see her to check it out - but my gut says it's better to bring up the website after you've had a meeting with C so you can say she's different, and really good).

2. Go see the new IC by yourself, and then ask W to meet with her too, like she did with your current C.

3. And this can be used in combination with 1 or 2, tell her that while you really want to fix things and save your R/M, no matter what happens you will always be co-parents and you want what is best for the kids. And so you would like her to go with you to this new C so you can work on your communication skills and getting along better so at a minimum you can be friends and great parents for your kids.

Hope some of that helps,
Nomopo

PS - so on the website, given your W's reluctance to marital C, I'd be inclined to not poin ther there (pressure, control), and rather to perhaps allude to it when you tell her about the new great C you want to see by yourself or with W.