I can conversely say that your at an advantage NOT having kids. CVA is right, it would make it easier for you to make a clean break and start a new life. The whole ideal of no contact is to GAL and also give her a chance to see what life would be like without you.
She'll check in on you via mutual friends and acquaintance, they will be curious like that. If she comes back to you, that's great, if not, you've adjusted to a new life.
Yes I agree there is a very big advantage to having no kids, I would not like the thought of having them go through that, so I do sympathize with those that do.
I think at the moment & for the last few days or so..I have prepared myself for the big D talk & now i'm like...argh!!! frustration is killing me. sorry
Thanks for taking the time to read my crap & to reply to it
Just a little thought occurred to me today while at work, previous to this I was coming home tonight & was going to call her & ask her what it she wants... divorce? if so please go ahead with your plan if it's truly what she wants.
I don't like this idea unless you want a divorce. I think we can all render a pretty good guess as to what her answer would be if forced to answer it now. Time is on your side. Keeping focusing on you, GAL, have fun, do the things you want, and see where you are in a few months. If she hasn't filed by then, I say that is an excellent sign given her past statements. If you really need an answer now more than you need to save you r M, then go ahead and ask.
Originally Posted By: strange
However, back to what I was going to say. She has not actually asked or said she wants a D, well not directly anyway. She has asked me what I think about the D & that it has to be me that files....Call me slow but I did'nt think of this until a few hrs ago.
It's an important point. I think you noticed it before (and we discussed at least part of what you wrote, but you may have forgotten or lost sight of it.
Originally Posted By: strange
I may call her in a day or so & just say Hi, test the water & see if she mentions anything about the D, if she does not, then I guess thats quite positive.
Sounds like a fine idea. Experiment and monitor results.
Originally Posted By: strange
I keep telling myself, if she wanted to talk she would call me, is that the right attitude? i'm not sure.
I definitely think so.
Originally Posted By: strange
I would like to ask, given my sitch with no kids & no contact fast coming, would you be happy to follow that advice?
Tough for me to say for sure, since I'm not in your shoes. It could be harder not knowing at all what is happening with her, but easier not having to prepare for, handle, analyze, etc. every little contact you have.
It is what it is mate. Keep your focus on you, your eyes on your goals, and be patient/manage those emotions.
Hang in there, Nomopo
M 39 W 39 M'd 10 yrs; T 14 yrs S7 D4 Bomb 5-8-05 W not working on M 1-22-07; EA 2-22 DB 4-10 S 6-11 No more C Link
I would say just ignore my recent ramblings but i would not really mean it lol...It's a little bit up & down, the old rollercoaster ride. I'm letting myself lose it now & then so I must get back on track here.
On a good note I have a camping trip planned for this coming weekend...I swore time & time again that I would not ever do anymore camping!!..But, i'm off to camp again lol. You may wish me luck as I will need it
I've been thinking about a little 180 today & thought I would pass it through anyone that wants to advise...For quite sometime & as part of my decline in my personal life I stopped contact with my inlaws, no real reason, they are both very nice people. In fact to be honest I had not seen people in my family for months up until my W left...Anyway I was going to call them & arrange a day to go see them & make peace with them.
Anyone here still on good speaking terms with inlaws? I would like to gain some sort of friendship back with them as they took me in & made me feel like family from the start & now I feel alot of guilt & sorrow for just turning my back on them.
I have thought about calling Inlaws myself. Never really at war, but one of biggest issues w/ my W and our sitch. "CVA never tried to connect w/ them, blah, blah, blah" We are 270 mi away, my W has always gone out of her way (our way) to get our small children up to see them and her sister (not much reciprocation - is that a word?) and she continues to blame me for us not seeing them and me being pissed that they are selfish and "why do we have to sacrifice all the time"...well, that doesnt work, does it?
So sorry to ramble. My MIL said to me on Fathers Day "I miss you being here!" Huh? almost fell down.
Long way of saying, this is a call that is hard to make as that is usually a tentative sitch. They tend to support their child or at least defend their actions, wouldnt you as a dad? So I dont know. Took me a while to give you no real advice.
I guess if you do call, "just wanted to say hello, let you know I still care about you / your daugher..whatever is appropriate" but the "careful" part is not having it come across as "manipulative" in terms of your sitch. i.e. your W sees you as trying to get in good with them all of a sudden.
I would go for it if you feel comfortable you wont start trying too hard in terms of winning them over.
Me: 46 Wife: 39 D: 13 S: 11, 9, 7 Bomb 3.2.07, Sep Same Day, D papers 11.1.07 Current Status - Wants to take me through Discovery, I will go to prison first.
Yes it's for me. I just want to break a little ice, I don't want them to think that I hold anything against them. While my W & I were together my only contact with them was through her telling me they send love etc (for maybe the last 9-12 mths) So it would be nice to go chat & make friends.
You are welcome to ramble anytime mate. I am starting to become quite good it myself
This would not be a 180 directed at my W but more so a 180 for my own benifit. It would help me to continue to mend myself & carry on working towrds just being the person I used to be. I was never like I was, I/we used to spend alot of time with family but it just stopped, for me that is.
I would not engage them in talks about my R or my W, infact I would rather it did not get brought up at all. I may give this a little more thought as I agree my W may see this as something else. With that said, if I feel good about it, then I dont give a hoot what she thinks
Maybe you should consider making contact with you inlaws mate, but like me, only if it's something that you feel good about.
