I agree with sunny -- when I read your post I thought you did a great job, whether it was intentional or unintentional. I also agree that you need to set some boundaries now that you need to see changes in your H's behavior (primarily his control, anger, and criticism) before the two of you can move on to any R talk.
Sounds like H sure does need to feel loved -- I think you've got him confused with why you weren't accepting of his attempt at affection. Poor guy...
