I just want her to come home!

[waw1978]

Atlas,

Okay...so your wife keeps say that she thinks your controlling but then wants a man to control the things she is complaining about? She is confused and she doesn't know what she wants or how to communicate it properly to you.

I guess you need to clarify what she means by control and how she wants to be taken care of. Obviously they are two different things that she is describing but in manner that sounds like the same thing when she is speaking to you.

Another thing on this point. W cannot have it both ways. I know a lot of women who's husband "take care of them" ie. they don't work, they have spending money, cleaning ladies etc. but complain non-stop about their H's "controlling them". Whether its being upset that W spent $400 on a new Coach bag or spent the day at lounging by the pool etc etc. If H is taking care of all of this, then guess what? He gets a say in how much money you spend and if you never cook dinner or help him out he has a right to be peeved. It really comes down to a lack of good communication. If it was all laid out, H will work, pay the bills, mow the lawn etc and wife is responsible for cooking, cleaning laundry and what have you and everyone did what the agreed to there would be little room for agrument. I know one of my gal pals that had a tough time with all of this did just that, wrote down on a contract what was expected of her in lieu of not working etc and what she expected from him. She and hubby have been getting on much better since. Also, she now gets an "allowance" deposited to her own account so the hubby cannot get angry for her shopping habits since its a set amount that they agreed to.

As far as her making plans for you to take S here and there on YOUR night...this is wrong and controlling on her part. I know things are in a rocky position but I hope you can discuss this with her and let her know that this isn't acceptable going forward.

PS: For the record, I think her timing of deciding this with the new house and all was lousy! I am really sorry that you are dealing with a new house and separation. Do you still have the new dog too?