Actually, I read your entire thread @ 3am! By the time I finished, I figured I better try & go back to sleep or I'd pay the price today.
It seems that everyone is on the same page on this & it looks so clear, listen to what 1978 says......back completely off on the controlling. She's almost begging you to!
My 1st H was you! Very difficult to control a flight attendant when they're away in a different city, with a crew of people staying in hotels, w/ no way to monitor their coming & going's. I would cringe when he called me & started w/ the "So, who are you flying with? Are they married? Call me as soon a s you get in tonight!" It all didn't add up to me feeling trustworthy in his eyes, or that he believed I had any kind of good judgement/integrity & eventually undermined the R. If he only knew how, much of the time, there was little glamour & lots of exhaustion!
I think just by giving her that space, telling her, as Chicki says, how nice she looks & have a great time, you could really turn things around.
She wants to be a grown up, the more you let her make her own decisions & stop w/ the questions, the more she'll stop distancing. As everyone seems to agree, this will take time for her to accept as a permanent state.
You can do this, I know you can.
It's a double edged sword to have a beautiful wife, no? Lot's to enjoy about it, lot's to contend with. Kinda like having a performance car or a Jaguar, nice to have even if you have more maintenance & time in the shop. You could trade in for a Yugo, if you wanted to, & have less to think about, but I get the feeling you don't really want to.
I see a lot of positives with your sitch. Take advantage of all the good feedback from all here & you are likely to make progress IMO.
