Chicki Oh well don't sweat it. Yes, we have perfect radar, yeah right, if we did, at least half of us would not be here!
It actually sounds like he is missing you, and it sounds like a step toward what could be a healthier R? I.e. You being stronger and although realizing he needs a lot of attention, not feeling like that aspect of him is ruling your life either.
Make sense?
Me: 46 Wife: 39 D: 13 S: 11, 9, 7 Bomb 3.2.07, Sep Same Day, D papers 11.1.07 Current Status - Wants to take me through Discovery, I will go to prison first.
As clear as mud...J/K!! Yes total sense..thanks! I want to read up on your stich. i see u haev 3 sons & one daughter,how r they holding up w/ the seperation?
I have been seperated for as long as you & really only H's favorite the middle D7 seems tobe showing signs of missing H,but the others rarely talk about him in the sense that they miss him, so I am not sure but my girls seem to be handleing it well. I try to keep them busy and therfore my R w/ them has grown now we r doing all sorts of QT together. It helps my own sanity too.
Your H is similar to mine in some ways & the more you detach & act uninterested, the better, it seems to me. Looks like he heads in your direction when you do.
Let him send all the hints he wants (ie., being miserable),but make him work to get you back. Men, people actually, like to know that the person they want to be with won't let them call all the shots.
I don't think you missed an opportunity, I think you did an excellent job in creating one. One where your H doesn't feel he can just walk right back in, no problem, & not have to be held accountable for his stuff. You have a perfect setup to create some boundaries....If you tell him "no R talk" until you see some changes, it'll have a bigger/better result I have a feeling.
Yes, I think his radar is going off & he doesn't like it, so he'll be pushing for confirmation that you're still there, under his control.
Many of us were just saying how nice it is to take a break from them & be on our own for a while. That's very healthy IMO, & does the R wonders.
Chicki, my daughter, the oldest, is taking it very hard and is a lot like her mom, internalizes everything and as a result, I dont know how to get inside. She is the sweetest thing in the world and I know she is hurting because she is clinging to my W more and more and me less and less and she wont attend counseling. S9 misses me a lot. We have a very special R. We read the bible together and talk a lot. S7 seems to be detached from it all and well, S5 is just the sweetest boy in the world and misses his dad very much.
Sorry to ramble and hijack, thanks for asking.
Me: 46 Wife: 39 D: 13 S: 11, 9, 7 Bomb 3.2.07, Sep Same Day, D papers 11.1.07 Current Status - Wants to take me through Discovery, I will go to prison first.
Me: 46 Wife: 39 D: 13 S: 11, 9, 7 Bomb 3.2.07, Sep Same Day, D papers 11.1.07 Current Status - Wants to take me through Discovery, I will go to prison first.
I agree with sunny -- when I read your post I thought you did a great job, whether it was intentional or unintentional. I also agree that you need to set some boundaries now that you need to see changes in your H's behavior (primarily his control, anger, and criticism) before the two of you can move on to any R talk.
Sounds like H sure does need to feel loved -- I think you've got him confused with why you weren't accepting of his attempt at affection. Poor guy...
How I love this group!! Don't know what I'd do w/out you & the sweet Jesus!
Last night on one o four IM's w/ H I told him how exhausted I felt & that I couldn't wait to get home & attempt to go to bed early. H said well if you wouldn't stay on AOL chatting all nite long. I told him I get the best support ever online. I told him along time ago that I have a support website but nothing else about. SO he forgot & asked me once more what support? As always he has to make some comment about my "imaginary" BF,yeah sure your BF must be out of town or w/his wife. I ignored it.
The hispanic people have a saying that maybe in English does not make any sense but her it goes:
Dog who barks can not bite (my H in a sense) In other words he is a lot talk but no action just to scare me.
I had sent him an email today,but he could not respond b/c he was out of town (did not know this)for work. I wrote- please don't tell your girls your moving back in this weekend b/c now D7 is excited and I know your not 100% sure (reverse pych to not say I am not 100% sure). Maybe you should wait a while longer ok?
So when he (surprise to me) picked the girsl up early before I got off work & he called me at work to tell me, I said Your really not serious about moving back in r u? This after he said he was taking the girls this weekend & said so that proves your not moving in this weekend? No no thsi weekend but soon. I hav not had the girls in several weeks, I said ok ok i told them this already. H- but I am making the move & I have already moved some stuff back (sure). I said no u have not- yes..ok whtever. I said but your gonna piss the GF off if you do. H- so thats already been said & done. Oh well I beleive when I see it happen.
The girls interrupted us in our discusion when I told H that I could not beleive she was letting him go ride his motorcycle 2nite (bike nite)(she really does not let him leave her sight). H- I go wherever and whenever I want ...Sure thats why you had to take her to Nascar race huh?? He did not know I knew (wild guess ,but I sensed it he he)took him off gaurd H- oh well um thats b/c I had no one else to take. Yeah sure this is the place he would never take me or ANY woman. H says why take the sand to the beach? Something he would always say about not taking woman there b/c of all the good looking ladies.
D7 interrupted & said daddy, mommy would let you go by yourself..H- yeah I know and that is why I am moving back in....
Anywho....
Gosh the hting I hate about this whole is not really so much my H but when he takes the girls for the weekend, I miss them, but tomorrow I will ask him if its ok I keep D10 for the weekend since I will going to Orlando to see my cousins and auntie who just flew in from out of the country & will only b her for 2 weeks. I know he will be upset but oh well .....
I'll tell him I don't want to drive alone and stay at a hotel by myself. I know not good reasons huh? What else can I coem up w/?
