Why is it that every time I think things can only get better, something happens. We had a baby blessing for the kids on Sunday... lots of work. I didn't have anyone cater it because it was too expensive, so Myself and my mother help did it. My H and I and the kids showed up at around 1030 and He did almost nothing to help. He sat and talked to this one couple (a couple he did some construction work for) the whole time, didn't even hardly speak to me. Then towards the end he played a little with the kids and that was it. When leaving he didn't help at all with the clean up. Everybody else did but he had to go show off his new truck to the older couple and left me there with some of my family to clean up... what I mean by clean up is putting the tables and chairs away. I was so angry and did tell him that he should have been there helping, but no answer.
This wk has been a little crazy with my one son starting swim lessons. I have been working for the business until I have to leave to take him to his lesson, so Ive been a little crazy. There is a special race this wkend up north and my H goes and adverstises his business, we just can't go b/c my little one can't sit in one spot and Im afraid he'll get hurt up there, too many motorcycles.. anyway, i truly think he's glad not to have us around.
He just isn't acting right, I tried intiating last night, he couldn't be bothered. He came home a littl early yesterday, early to me is 630pm and all he did was plop on the couch and watch his tv show, couldn't be bothered with me or the kids, just yelled at them for interupting him. OOOHHH made me sooo made.
IM sick of the working till all hours and him coming home nasty and mean. Its like he just doensn't want to be here. I really thought I could handle being alone all the time, and Im beginning to think that its because I'd rather be alone then deal with him being mean. I guess emotionally I am lonely, He doesn't hear me when I talk to him and just complains about every thing I do, right down to Not blowing on the kids dinner enough so its not hot, which I do, but not enough.. I know crazy! Its unfornuate how we get ourselves into these positions. If I didn't have children with him, I don't know if I would be here, I just don't know how much more I can deal with.. his ups and downs are dragging me down.
If you've read this far thanks..
Blessings~
me: 37 H: 44 Married for 18 years this june S7 S3 porn issues, and much more... since 7/06
Happiness can be found, even in the darkest of times, if one only remembers to turn on the light.
Tell him this: ______________________________________________________________ IM sick of the working till all hours and him coming home nasty and mean. Its like he just doensn't want to be here. I really thought I could handle being alone all the time, and Im beginning to think that its because I'd rather be alone then deal with him being mean. _______________________________________________________________
To me that is the part that is the unvarnished truth without a bunch of "girly" stuff thrown in. He needs to hear this and he needs to understand that his behavior makes you feel like you have a foot out the door.
I do understand how you feel and felt exactly the same way in the past.
I know your H had shown an interest in meeting other women and just wondered if there was any possibility that he has become involved with someone else. I know it may not be the case but have to say when my H was cheating he was really mean to me constantly picking on everything I did. Made him feel less guilty about cheating cos he could tell himself that he only did it because I was so horrible to him. Even if he's not actually involved with someone else he could be thinking about it and being mean to justify his future desire to go elsewhere.
I can understand that you expected him to help out as you were doing most of the woekfor the blessing ceremony but if he's anything like my H he would assume his only job was to turn up and enjoy the party. The easiest way around this is to say nicely in advance that his job will be to put the chairs and tables away after the event. That way he knows what he's expected to do and you don't resent him doing nothing.
If he gets angry at being asked to help out stay calm and try not to get into the you never do anything to help scenario. You have to figure out how to reach him as he doesn't get it that he's doing anything wrong and probably just feels your being critical and no one likes that feeling.
I made the statement on someones thread that at times I felt like I was treated like the housekeeper but with sex thrown in and the resentments that build from that have a huge impact on desire and Baltoman had been guilty of doing the same thing with his wife. Plus men do sometimes resent that their wife is now a mother and they are no longer no 1 in their wifes life. The fact that you had a great weekend break without the kids would suggest your H is having some of these feelings and it is how to change things that is difficult.
Sorry I can't give you a quick fix it plan but maybe thinking how to approach asking for some help would be a start. Rather than asking him to help more have you tried being specific about something you'd like done and set a time frame. Men are natural problem solvers and if nothing else has worked might be worth a shot.
Thanks While I don't think he is having an affair for two reasons, He's a workaholic.. Not a desk job he's a insulation installer... and I don't think he'd risk me finding out and risking his family, because if he knows anything about me, he knows that cheating is the ultimate betrayel. I have told him since we were together that if he ever did that, that would be it.. if you have feelings like that divorce me first.
But anything is possible.
We did go away this wked, but it was business related. Camping sort of.. it was long and tiring.
Let me ask this.. how do you all feel about your h's looking at other women?? Its always bothered me, but he still says he doesn't...which is bull sh&t because I've seen him do it. What is with that!! He tells me I'm beautiful but go ahead and does it anyway... Some enlightened here is needed!
TAL
me: 37 H: 44 Married for 18 years this june S7 S3 porn issues, and much more... since 7/06
Happiness can be found, even in the darkest of times, if one only remembers to turn on the light.
Your beauty isn't lowered in any way by your husbands looking at other women. Most men look at pretty women, I certainly do. Most women will notice a handsome man, but probably can conceal it a bit better.
Why would your husband feel he has to lie about this?
probably because He knows it bothers me. I just have a hard time with the looking right in front of me... Im not trying to be arragant, but Im not ugly I have the boobs he likes (sorry just trying to make a point) and like I said, he always tells me i'm beautiful.. so whats the problem.. is he just saying im beautiful to throw me off??
I just feel when he does this I feel degraded. I might be unusual but I would never "check" someone out especially in front of him out of respect.. and also I could care less.
So if you could elaborate would be great.
me: 37 H: 44 Married for 18 years this june S7 S3 porn issues, and much more... since 7/06
Happiness can be found, even in the darkest of times, if one only remembers to turn on the light.
Your beauty is yours and is independent of your husbands eyeballs. His actions are not a reflection of you they are his actions. If you need his sole attention as validation of your beauty or value as a woman then your going to run into problems.
You can believe that you're ugly if your husband looks at another woman thats your choice, I don't believe that it's true.
He knows that if he tells you the truth that your going to be pissed so he lies to you. So now he lies to you and continues to look at women.
Humans DO look at and notice others - not just men but women too. How they do it and where the person's brain goes from there is what determines whether it is a problematic behavior. If he checks someone out in an obvious way while he's with you and he knows it bothers you then it may be rude behavior or even degrading behavior BUT if he merely notices the occasional attractive person and then resumes interacting with you it is truly no biggie. Also, if he notices someone attractive and then begins thinking of how he can get in their pants without repercussion it is a problem, otherwise it isn't. If he notices others BUT has clearly picked you then it is a compliment to you. I'm sure you are beautiful to him but the reality is that we all find people other than our spouse "beautiful" too - it is our history together, our love of other things about the person etc... that makes them irreplaceable in our lives no matter how gorgeous another may be.
If he is "checking" someone out in an obvious and rude way in front of you then call him on the rudeness but not the checking out part. If you get too freaked out about him looking then it makes you seem insecure and a little immature whereas insisting on being treated with respect is mature and confident.
In the meantime I think you need to pursue some things that make you a bit more confident in yourself - do you do something for your own creative expression? Music, art, scrapbooking, gourmet cooking, dance? Find something that makes you feel great and do it.
While I don't think he is having an affair for two reasons, He's a workaholic.. Not a desk job he's a insulation installer... and I don't think he'd risk me finding out and risking his family, because if he knows anything about me, he knows that cheating is the ultimate betrayel. I have told him since we were together that if he ever did that, that would be it.. if you have feelings like that divorce me first.