I've never known Frank to hold back so I think all he is saying is LLRT - tell her the affair is to end or split.
It would seem that you are there already and as much as I would stand behind you and fight - you just don't have a worthy adversary. Until she figures out what she wants to do (with her life, OW, etc.), you'll be a world of limbo - going out of your mind. Time to save your sanity. A lot easier to type from my point of view, but she is a disaster waiting to happen (well, is actually happening). Time to focus SOLELY on tyler and his children. Let the drama go.
My .02 - you have fought valiantly, time to save yourself...
Sven
Thank you Sven. I keep asking myself if I have done enough. She is hurting, in so much mental anguish. IC said to me once, "you have to remember, we have no idea how many times each day some horrible memory and accompaning images flash through her mind..."
I can't imagine living that way.
My conscience is eating me alive today. If she were struggling with cancer, I would be there. Any other illness, I would gladly do what I have to do to be there for her.
Is this mental illness any different?
I don't know the full answer to that. I do know that I have told her consistently since Wednesday night that this affair has to end and contact has to be severed.
Her response has been to continue physical contact while we were there, maintain, if not escalate phone, text, e-mail and IM contact since we have been home. In addition to planning another weekend at OW's house in beginning of August with another still pending for late August, early September.
I keep thinking about grabbing my N.U.T.S.
What are my Non-negotiable, Unalterable Terms?
Cheating on me is the last line. Let me qualify that with this, unapologetically cheating is the last line. Could the affair be over in a few months? Could it be over now? I don't know. I also don't know that I can hang on for a few months more. It's been almost 2 years of this. I told her that she has yet to apologize. She doesn't see why she should, to her the marriage was over, she isn't going to stop, if roles were reversed she would have understood my need to find someone else, yadda, yadda, yadda.
I realize in typing this that others have gone longer. I know. I wish I could shake myself and say, let's get it on, bringthe hurt, I can face this challenge, shoot I can go a decade if I have to for the sake of my kids.
She has shredded us financially. She has shredded me emotionally, mentally. This has affected my job performance. Now she has shredded trust.
I keep thinking of my kids and trying to tell them that I can't go any longer. She has no problem with this, or so she says.
I said to her yesterday that I can't believe she truly thinks this won't be damaging to her as well. She doesn't see it. She only sees that she will be so much better off.
