Hi all - Well I've been really trying hard not to talk about the R with the WAW, but last night I couldnt help it.
My wife came home last night. I came out of my room to see her and heard her talking down stairs on her cell phone. I wasn't sure who she was talking to. I know I shouldnt have snopped or eased dropped but I couldnt help it when I heard her talk about me.
She said something like "He just doesn't get it. I'm done. He can try all he wants. I know he's been trying to be nice. I know it's all fake though. He's just putting on a show."
So hearing this I lost it and went down stairs.
I just stood there about 5ft away listening to her change the subject. I now knew it was her girlfriend that she has been comiserating with over the last year or so. Her girlfriend just got divorced last year and couldnt be happier. yeah right. yuk. Anyway, so I waited for my wife to get off the phone and said "so hows it going? How's xxx doing? She said ok. I couldnt help but hear some of that conversation. I really wish you would talk to me. I have told you how I felt. I think I deserve the truth.
W- well what did you think you heard. I just was fishing so I said. M - Just be honest with me I want to hear it from you. What do you have to hide. Is there something your not telling me? Is there someone else. W- No, why do you keep on asking that? I have not been with anyone else. I just want you to know its over. No matter what you say or do it's over. M - Please, tell me what your feeling. W - I just cant do this anymore. I havent been happy for a long time. I just dont love you like I used to. M - So when did this happen? What changed? W - I've felt this for awhile. Every since we had our daughter I havent been happy. M - So why didnt you tell me this before. W - I did. many times. You just never listened. M - Well, I'm sorry I guess I wasnt listening. I never knew how unhappy you were until you left 4 mons ago. W - It doesnt matter now does it. I'm sorry I hurt you. I want you to be happy and I'm sorry I cant do that for you anymore. M - Well, I appreciate your honesty. I want you to be happy as well. I hope someday you find what your looking for you. I hope you find the type of person that will meet your needs. W - I dont know what I want. Thats part of the problem. I dont know if I want to even be with anyone for awhile. I just had lunch with a girlfriend yesterday that is getting her second divorce. I just dont know what I want. M - Well, thank you for giving me this opportunity to work on my issues. I am glad all of this has happened. It really made me take a good look at myself and realize I had my own issues to work on. I want you to be happy and I deserve to be with someone that has the ability to forgive me and let me make some mistakes. I cant walk on eggshells for the rest of my life. W - You do deserve to be happy. I sorry I wasnt the answer. M - You were the answer. I married you for a reason. We had a child together for a reason. She is the best thing that has ever happened to either of this. I thank God for her and you everyday. Thank you for the last 11yrs. I hope this is trully what you want. I want you to know that I am here for you if you need me. M - So, what is the plan? Are you wanting to file right away? Or wait till we sell the house? W - I dont know what I want. I just need time to figure it all out. I have too much to think about with the business and everything. M - I understand. You do what you need to do. Just know that I am here for you if you need to talk. I also know that we both are going to be great parents for our D. I will always love you. W - Have a good night. M - You too.
Well, there you have it. Like a lot of other people on this board I felt like I was just avoiding the inevitable. And when I heard her mocking me I just couldnt take it anymore. I couldnt have my heart stomped on any more that it had been already. I know that she is the one giving up. SHe is the one that cant offer God's greatest gift of forgiveness. I have never done anything that is unforgiveable. I had my moments of being resentful, mean, sarcastic, condesending, but I never deserved this. Especially, by never knowing how unhappy she truly was. I took the fact that we were married for granted. Thinking that she will always be there by my side. Afterall, we did say our vows to eachother. Boy, was I an idiot. Why did I take her and our marriage for granted. Oh well, live and learn. RIght? What doesn't kill us makes us stronger. Hopefully, someday I'll feel that. For now I am going to give her what she wants. I am still not going to file. I am going to give her her space. Let her live on her own for awhile. Being away from her daughter. Let time and space decide if what I have said and done is worth giving this all up. In the mean time, I will try to be there for her as much as I can. Try to show her a friends unconditional love. Maybe someday we will reconnect. But, for now I must detach and let go and truly give her what she wants.
Thank you all for your support. I wish you the best in your sitches. I will keep reading your posts for insight.
So what do u all think? Should I give up or could she still with time and space come around again?
I know I've seen a lot of people on here reply to a question like that by saying. Did u get served papers? If not then shut up and keep dbing. Just give it time and space.
I dont know what to do anymore. This woman has ripped my heart out.
Well she told you she didn't know what she wants. Other than the part of you originally bringing up the subject, you seemed to handle it very well with your answers. With that said I guess I would say exactly what you said.
Originally Posted By: BrokenMarriage07
I know I've seen a lot of people on here reply to a question like that by saying. Did u get served papers? If not then shut up and keep dbing. Just give it time and space.
Yes it rips into the heart daily. You can only do what you can do. If you have the want and willpower to give her that space and time do it. I know I struggle with it everyday. I know I want it to work, I know I will try for as long as possible, I know I am driving myself crazy. I am really for the first time trying to detach, and give it the best chance possible.
Good Luck
M 41 W 33 S8 S17 Bomb 3/11/07 S 3/28/07 New beginning? 8/31/07
Thx 789, I guess that's all we can do. Once I realized I had no control over the sitch it was a lot easier to deal with.
"We can't control anything. But can create everything. "
Not sure where I heard this one. Words to live by.
Good luck as well. BM
Originally Posted By: 789
Well she told you she didn't know what she wants. Other than the part of you originally bringing up the subject, you seemed to handle it very well with your answers. With that said I guess I would say exactly what you said.
Originally Posted By: BrokenMarriage07
I know I've seen a lot of people on here reply to a question like that by saying. Did u get served papers? If not then shut up and keep dbing. Just give it time and space.
Yes it rips into the heart daily. You can only do what you can do. If you have the want and willpower to give her that space and time do it. I know I struggle with it everyday. I know I want it to work, I know I will try for as long as possible, I know I am driving myself crazy. I am really for the first time trying to detach, and give it the best chance possible.
Nope, we have not control, it is taking me forever to learn that. I kept thinking if I did this, or said that, something would wake her up. Now slowly learning that I have changed, made the improvements that I needed to make, and nothing has changed. It is not me now, nothing I can do or say will change that fact. So letting go of what I want to control is the only thing I have left. Doesn't mean I have giving up hope, doesn't mean I don't love her, it is just that it is now her problem, her decisions to make, I just have to get comfortable with that part of this situation.
M 41 W 33 S8 S17 Bomb 3/11/07 S 3/28/07 New beginning? 8/31/07
So what do u all think? Should I give up or could she still with time and space come around again?
I know I've seen a lot of people on here reply to a question like that by saying. Did u get served papers? If not then shut up and keep dbing. Just give it time and space.
I dont know what to do anymore. This woman has ripped my heart out.
Have a nice day. BM
You have your answer, "if not shut up and keep DBing." Amazing how we all can really struggle when that answer is right in front of us. We have to be patient which is probably the LBS' biggest ally and hardest thing to do. (Pot calling the kettle black right now. LOL)
Here's something you might find interesting. This morning I was talking with our assisting priest. He mentioned he had started reading his Greek Bible. Now he found a passage very appropriate for me to think about. We generally learned the passage "blessed are the meek as they shall inherit the earth." Well the Greek translation of that passage is "blessed are the patient as they shall inherit the earth."
If we really want to love, we must learn how to forgive. - Mother Theresa
Last night I went out with a friend of mine. It was my night off from watching our daughter. Anyway, the WAW asked what I did last night. I said just went out with a friend. SHe said "oh thats good". I said "yeah, I had a good time".
My question is how to I interpret this? Does she really care what I do? Should I give her any details? I don't want her to think that I went out with another woman or do I?
No, don't give her any details unless she asks. If she really wants to know, she will. Maybe she is curious about who you went out with and what you did but feels it is no longer her place to ask such questions.
If she is wondering, let it eat away at her until she can't stand it anymore and she will start questioning you eventually. If she really cares it will start eating away at her especially if you start going out a lot.
But then again, maybe she's not wondering. There's no way for anyone else to know.
The big thing here is to do what's right for you and do it for yourself.
Just give it time and space. 
