Don't know what to do at this point. So many conflicting thoughts.
I went home early from work yesterday to get D10 to her softball game. I think W forgot we had made this arrangement on Monday.
I walked in and W was in the bathroom. A site called legal zoom was up on the computer. W was ordering some sort of online D settlement thing. W came out of bathroom and saw me standing there looking at the computer. Asked me what I was doing home already, reminded her of our arrangement made on Monday. She forgot, then started in on how she can have the papers shipped overnight from this site, all we have to do is sign them and take them to the courthouse.
I kind of lost my DB'ing bearings there. I told her this was insane. We can make this work, stop seeing this OW, cut it off, turn back to us and let's really try, both of us.
She said she had tried already. There is nothing left. Just wants to be alone and knows she can never have anything really with the OW. I asked her if she was always going to be happy with being the other woman in OW's relationship. W said she doesn't see it that way or something to that affect.
To be honest. Somewhere in there I zoned out. Something snapped. I quit responding. I started to walk away and she got angry. She yelled at me to stop ignoring her. I wasn't. I just didn't want to talk any longer. It is what it is. W said this is what she wants, she wants a D as soon as possible. I told her to do what you have to do, I don't know what else to say. I told her it would be better if we could be together, in a whole manner, doing our best to do things right. I told her I know she doesn't want that. I told her again, so do what you have to do..., I'm tired. At that moment, I felt it like never before. I'm a fighter, I've competed at a pro-level. I know how to take a hard hit and not let it show. Not even that stupid smile guys do after a hard hit, that just tells me it hurt as it's still a response meant to send me a message. No, I know better than that just be expressionless. So I know, at least I think I didn't let it show. All I felt at that moment was tired, bone tired. Not mad, not pissed, not hurt, not anything. Just tired.
I went outside to get my D10 and take her to her game.
W is starting to unravel. W brought D6 up to the game about an hour later. I met them at the car and as we were walking away D6 showed me that she had a handful of quarters, D6 asked me how many airheads this would buy. I told her I don't know. W yells, "______! what did he just say to you?!" D6 looks at her confused and said, "I asked how many airheads I can buy and dad said he doesn't know, we are going to the concession stand to find out".
I didn't even feel anything. I think I should have. I think I should have been a little pissed that W would think I would say something inappropriate to D6.
But I wasn't. I was/am numb. Screw her. Say what you want. Do what you want. Tell anyone, everyone, anything she wants to tell them. I've done nothing wrong.
