Hi all - Well I've been really trying hard not to talk about the R with the WAW, but last night I couldnt help it.
My wife came home last night. I came out of my room to see her and heard her talking down stairs on her cell phone. I wasn't sure who she was talking to. I know I shouldnt have snopped or eased dropped but I couldnt help it when I heard her talk about me.
She said something like "He just doesn't get it. I'm done. He can try all he wants. I know he's been trying to be nice. I know it's all fake though. He's just putting on a show."
So hearing this I lost it and went down stairs.
I just stood there about 5ft away listening to her change the subject. I now knew it was her girlfriend that she has been comiserating with over the last year or so. Her girlfriend just got divorced last year and couldnt be happier. yeah right. yuk. Anyway, so I waited for my wife to get off the phone and said "so hows it going? How's xxx doing? She said ok. I couldnt help but hear some of that conversation. I really wish you would talk to me. I have told you how I felt. I think I deserve the truth.
W- well what did you think you heard. I just was fishing so I said. M - Just be honest with me I want to hear it from you. What do you have to hide. Is there something your not telling me? Is there someone else. W- No, why do you keep on asking that? I have not been with anyone else. I just want you to know its over. No matter what you say or do it's over. M - Please, tell me what your feeling. W - I just cant do this anymore. I havent been happy for a long time. I just dont love you like I used to. M - So when did this happen? What changed? W - I've felt this for awhile. Every since we had our daughter I havent been happy. M - So why didnt you tell me this before. W - I did. many times. You just never listened. M - Well, I'm sorry I guess I wasnt listening. I never knew how unhappy you were until you left 4 mons ago. W - It doesnt matter now does it. I'm sorry I hurt you. I want you to be happy and I'm sorry I cant do that for you anymore. M - Well, I appreciate your honesty. I want you to be happy as well. I hope someday you find what your looking for you. I hope you find the type of person that will meet your needs. W - I dont know what I want. Thats part of the problem. I dont know if I want to even be with anyone for awhile. I just had lunch with a girlfriend yesterday that is getting her second divorce. I just dont know what I want. M - Well, thank you for giving me this opportunity to work on my issues. I am glad all of this has happened. It really made me take a good look at myself and realize I had my own issues to work on. I want you to be happy and I deserve to be with someone that has the ability to forgive me and let me make some mistakes. I cant walk on eggshells for the rest of my life. W - You do deserve to be happy. I sorry I wasnt the answer. M - You were the answer. I married you for a reason. We had a child together for a reason. She is the best thing that has ever happened to either of this. I thank God for her and you everyday. Thank you for the last 11yrs. I hope this is trully what you want. I want you to know that I am here for you if you need me. M - So, what is the plan? Are you wanting to file right away? Or wait till we sell the house? W - I dont know what I want. I just need time to figure it all out. I have too much to think about with the business and everything. M - I understand. You do what you need to do. Just know that I am here for you if you need to talk. I also know that we both are going to be great parents for our D. I will always love you. W - Have a good night. M - You too.
Well, there you have it. Like a lot of other people on this board I felt like I was just avoiding the inevitable. And when I heard her mocking me I just couldnt take it anymore. I couldnt have my heart stomped on any more that it had been already. I know that she is the one giving up. SHe is the one that cant offer God's greatest gift of forgiveness. I have never done anything that is unforgiveable. I had my moments of being resentful, mean, sarcastic, condesending, but I never deserved this. Especially, by never knowing how unhappy she truly was. I took the fact that we were married for granted. Thinking that she will always be there by my side. Afterall, we did say our vows to eachother. Boy, was I an idiot. Why did I take her and our marriage for granted. Oh well, live and learn. RIght? What doesn't kill us makes us stronger. Hopefully, someday I'll feel that. For now I am going to give her what she wants. I am still not going to file. I am going to give her her space. Let her live on her own for awhile. Being away from her daughter. Let time and space decide if what I have said and done is worth giving this all up. In the mean time, I will try to be there for her as much as I can. Try to show her a friends unconditional love. Maybe someday we will reconnect. But, for now I must detach and let go and truly give her what she wants.
Thank you all for your support. I wish you the best in your sitches. I will keep reading your posts for insight.
