Just checking on you... How are you feeling?? Let us know what's going on.
Blessings~
Thanks for checking in on me. There's a whole array of emotions that we all feel. Me, I feel upset at times that W and I had failed. I feel scared about the pending moving out in three weeks. I worry about our son of how he is going to handle this. I worry about W and I of how we are going to handle this. I worry about our finances. We definitely can't afford to keep two households, let alone one. I keep trying to imagine how things are going to be once I am in my new place.
Other times, I have thoughts of her coming back to our marriage. I think most of it is just trying to have something to hope for. We all need some kind of hope to keep us going.
W went out with her girlfriend while S3 and I had dinner at Chipotle. Chipotle was very good. My little boy must be growing. He ate more than I did. We are trying to get him used to the idea of having one parent around. He of course misses the other parent when he is with the other. Last evening he kept asking for his mommy. He wasn't out of control, just sad that mommy wasn't home. W kept txting to see how he was doing. I tried to keep her at bay to help him get used to single parenthood thing. Also to show her that I can handle it. It was late, so I gave in and told W that he was asking for her. She came home and they both went to bed. I stayed up to do my school work. I've got six more classes until I graduate with my BS in IT.
Before I got home yesterday from work, I had a talk with her mother. Her mother and I have a pretty close relationship. But I am a little guarded right as we are going through this separation. It seems though that W version and my version is almost totally different. I dispelled any wrong notions presented by W. Her mother does want for our marriage to stay together. She has never divorce nor has my parents. So this is really foreign to her. We both agree that W really does not know what she is getting into with a separation. We agree that maybe a time apart may help her see what she is giving up. I won't hold my breath for her to turn around though. But just that small ray of light is all that I am hoping for.
I told her this morning that we needed to sit down and draw up the separation agreement. All morning she was very short answered with me. A little pissy. She wants to keep up this wall of "I really don't want to talk to you. I am not going to try to be your friend". I understand her thought behind it though. She wants to keep showing me that she really doesn't care for me. But yet she will ask how work was and how late will I be working tonight. Asked if I was going to go to the gym.
Did I say I was scared. Terrified!! I wake up with those butterfly whatever feeling in my stomach every morning. Hey, folks, want to loose some weight, try the anxiety diet. I have lost like ten pounds in the last three months. I am one of those short and small guys too so, I really don't have a lot to loose. Anyways, that is it for today. Thanks for everyone who checks in on me.
