Im glad to hear that you are doing things and getting out. The Crab fest sounds Great!! Like I said on my other post, H and I are going up to Saratoga on Saturday for a RUSH concert (fav band from long ago) and coming home on Sunday! First time Im leaving the kids overnight.. having a bit on anxiety.. but i'll be alright. They will be with mom so im good.
Anyway, If she has some deep seeded issues with sex, I definately think she should talk with someone it can only help you guys out and she should do it for you and her.
You sound like a truly devoted h.. and I commend you for that. There aren't many men out there like you. I don't know any, (h included) that would wait that long for Sex. She is lucky to have someone like you.
You have a good time this wkend and enjoy yourself.. I will send some sex vibes your way so you and your W can have a really good wkend
me: 37 H: 44 Married for 18 years this june S7 S3 porn issues, and much more... since 7/06
Happiness can be found, even in the darkest of times, if one only remembers to turn on the light.
Your situation sounds so much like mine, except it is my husband who has lost the affection for me. Like the two of you, there has been no abuse on either side, no smoking, he is a social drinker only, both sets of parents are still together, etc...We do get one night per week alone, but he never acts on it. Occasionally, we do get a dinner out together as well. We are not deprived of alone time without the kids. He is a great dad, I am a great mom, we handle situations well...we just don't have a sexual relationship anymore, or intimate in any way for that matter, ie; touching, kissing, hugging, snuggling. IT used to be great, but somewhere along the way, he gave up. He doesn't want to talk about it. Says he's happy, it's not me, it's him. I'm sorry you are going through this, and I truly hope things do work out for you and your wife. It's a serious problem that causes a lot of hurt, and many people don't realize that.
LD&N - you might want to check out my thread (Madonna/Whore Complex) - sounds like your H might have a form of it
Heywyre
M - 57 H - 65 1st A-bomb - Nov 27/02 2nd A-bomb - Dec 13/06 together 21 years *************************** Insanity is doing something over and over and expecting different results (Albert Einstein)
Sorry folks, I have been away for about a week. We were on vacation at the beach. I thought that maybe this would help save our marriage. I was wrong. Yes, I did all the wrong things that I had learned from DB. I begged and pleaded for W to give our marriage and family a second chance. I said that neither one of us should ever spend a night away from each other and our son. Of course all that fell on deaf ears. We did have some good moments during the trip. W and I were alone at the hotel one day. We were playing Yahtzee and drinking champagne. We were both having such a good time.
W kept wanting to talk about how and when to separate. I told her that I did not want to separate without a legal separation agreement. I told W that we both have to be very careful as to how proceed through the separation and divorce.
I knew that the light was gone when on 07-07-07, she took off her wedding rings. The one symbol that meant so much to what a marriage is. I took mine off that day too because I knew that maybe it was time to give up. These last three years have been over for W.
Everyone here knows the heartache that we all go through when one has to deal with something like this.
On the night of July 4th, I sat on the hotel back porch and cried. I knew then that I had to just let her go, even though I did not want to. So, right now all I have left to think about is my life with our son.
Should I quit after all this or do I keep on hopeing for her to return to our marriage and family?
Miswip - COG and his W separated for almost 4 years and are now back together and as happy as clams
There is ALWAYS hope
Heywyre
M - 57 H - 65 1st A-bomb - Nov 27/02 2nd A-bomb - Dec 13/06 together 21 years *************************** Insanity is doing something over and over and expecting different results (Albert Einstein)
Also, I NEVER took my ring off. I figured I was married until the D was final, which didn't happen by the way! Don't give up and start DB'ing your a$$ off. It works.
Me: 38 H: 35 S4, S5, S10 Bomb 01/07 Wanted D - nothing would change his mind Numerous A's prior to D bomb; EA prior/during D bomb Piecing 04/07 Deployed for a year 05/07 Still Piecing 2010 M 11 yrs 05/10
Should I quit after all this or do I keep on hopeing for her to return to our marriage and family?
Doesn't matter. The decision is hers. You can only decide whether to accept her back should she want to come back. Until then, you're on your own whether you "hope" or not. Cover your a$$, be there for your kids, and make time to do things on your own that bring you happiness and a sense of accomplishment. That should keep you busy. After that, you can hope all you want, but you might as well hope for good weather; it'll show up or it won't and there's not much you can do about it.
a fine and enviable madness, this delusion that all questions have answers, and nothing is beyond the reach of a strong left arm.
Should I quit after all this or do I keep on hopeing for her to return to our marriage and family?
Doesn't matter. The decision is hers. You can only decide whether to accept her back should she want to come back. Until then, you're on your own whether you "hope" or not. Cover your a$$, be there for your kids, and make time to do things on your own that bring you happiness and a sense of accomplishment. That should keep you busy. After that, you can hope all you want, but you might as well hope for good weather; it'll show up or it won't and there's not much you can do about it.
I know that there is not much I can do right now. I can only keep thinking about moving on right now. I have to think about what I need to do for my son and I. I have started reading DR again. It does give some ray of hope. I am not banking on it though. I will do my best to keep on trying.
Just checking on you... How are you feeling?? Let us know what's going on.
Blessings~
Thanks for checking in on me. There's a whole array of emotions that we all feel. Me, I feel upset at times that W and I had failed. I feel scared about the pending moving out in three weeks. I worry about our son of how he is going to handle this. I worry about W and I of how we are going to handle this. I worry about our finances. We definitely can't afford to keep two households, let alone one. I keep trying to imagine how things are going to be once I am in my new place.
Other times, I have thoughts of her coming back to our marriage. I think most of it is just trying to have something to hope for. We all need some kind of hope to keep us going.
W went out with her girlfriend while S3 and I had dinner at Chipotle. Chipotle was very good. My little boy must be growing. He ate more than I did. We are trying to get him used to the idea of having one parent around. He of course misses the other parent when he is with the other. Last evening he kept asking for his mommy. He wasn't out of control, just sad that mommy wasn't home. W kept txting to see how he was doing. I tried to keep her at bay to help him get used to single parenthood thing. Also to show her that I can handle it. It was late, so I gave in and told W that he was asking for her. She came home and they both went to bed. I stayed up to do my school work. I've got six more classes until I graduate with my BS in IT.
Before I got home yesterday from work, I had a talk with her mother. Her mother and I have a pretty close relationship. But I am a little guarded right as we are going through this separation. It seems though that W version and my version is almost totally different. I dispelled any wrong notions presented by W. Her mother does want for our marriage to stay together. She has never divorce nor has my parents. So this is really foreign to her. We both agree that W really does not know what she is getting into with a separation. We agree that maybe a time apart may help her see what she is giving up. I won't hold my breath for her to turn around though. But just that small ray of light is all that I am hoping for.
I told her this morning that we needed to sit down and draw up the separation agreement. All morning she was very short answered with me. A little pissy. She wants to keep up this wall of "I really don't want to talk to you. I am not going to try to be your friend". I understand her thought behind it though. She wants to keep showing me that she really doesn't care for me. But yet she will ask how work was and how late will I be working tonight. Asked if I was going to go to the gym.
Did I say I was scared. Terrified!! I wake up with those butterfly whatever feeling in my stomach every morning. Hey, folks, want to loose some weight, try the anxiety diet. I have lost like ten pounds in the last three months. I am one of those short and small guys too so, I really don't have a lot to loose. Anyways, that is it for today. Thanks for everyone who checks in on me.
